Before you run off to social services, call the local authorities or try to find a way to send me creepy DM's on prices and shipping, let me insert a disclaimer. Despite the purposefully misleading title, I do not, in fact cook crack at home.... at least not the kind you're thinking of 🤣
| Claire's Crack | Actual Crack Cocaine |
|---|---|
| Ingredients: | Ingredients: |
| Chillies (assorted to taste) | Whatever your dealer chooses to tell you: 99% not actual crack cocaine and mostly drain cleaner, or whatever they put in drugs these days |
| Pure fresh garlic cloves | |
| Olive oil | |
| Garden herbs |
| Claire's Crack: Side effects and stimulants: | Actual Crack: Side effects and stimulants: |
|---|---|
| Increased metabolism | psychosis |
| increased immune defence | weightloss due to you spending all your food money on drugs |
| Natural antibiotic | Jail |
| Natural endorphine stimulant | Death |
| Omega 3s and 6's | ... |
| Vitamin C & D | ... |
| F@#$$% delicious | ... |
| Addictive | Addictive |
So, humour aside, friends of mine gave me this recipe (they're vegans, so lord knows they have to put lots of delicious stuff in their food, and it can't always be MSG). It is so incredibly good. Even if you're not a massive chilli lover, you can modify the amount of burn by how long you allow your final mixture to mature as well as which chillies you select and even your herb to garlic to chilli ratio.
I do not want to give quantities here, because it all really depends on personal taste.
My crack can be eaten literally on crackers, or used as a base for all kinds of dishes, from traditional Italian dishes to oriental and cajun-style cooking. Really, it's up to you to tweak the herbs and you can substitute the olive oil for a more subtle seed oil flavour.
"Claire's Crack" is a staple in my kitchen and once it starts sautéing in the pan, the whole family knows they're going to be in for a treat.
It is labour intensive, and horrible to get in your eyes, so make sure you use a sharp knife for fast, effective, fine and accurate chopping. The longer your fingers are exposed to the chilli, the more it will sink into your fingers. I have almost died trying to take my contact lenses out HOURS after preparing this. Other precautions you can take would be to wear latex gloves and to wash your hands thoroughly, taking time to soak them in lemon juice (it neutralises the chillies).
You can use it straight away, but you will find the flavour matures and changes after a week or so. I store it in the fridge. There are no preservatives, so if you don't use it in time, it will start growing mould. Do not be stingy. Put it in EVERYTHING and remember that sharing is caring!!
Stay tuned for more crazy hacks and recipes from my kitchen! <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
