I have been so lazy with cooking lately. I seem to rotate between brown rice and sauteed veggies with lime pickle, veggie pasta and moong dhal. My son puts me to shame - yesterday they made bao, and the other day this extraordinary garlic naan. And so I decided to make rendang style tofu, fancying a dish redolent with fresh spices.

Rendang is traditionally a dry curry (not alot of sauce) made with coconut, spices and beef. Tofu rendang will never be the same - it won't have that delicious brown colour or take as long to cook. However, I wanted to use the same spices - star anise, cardomon and cinnamon is what sets rendang apart from other SE Asian curries, and it has fresh lemongrass, galangal and chilli - my perfect dinner!

To get the ingredients, I had to make a trip to the local wholefoods, as I'd run out of tamarind and star anise. I grabbed my mask, just in case (remember it's mandatory in Victoria) I felt uncomfortable enough to wear one, but these days I'm trying hard to not wear my mask. Legally, I don't have to - it's not required if you have a medical reason not too, which I do (asthma and anxiety, although it's the bloody mask that sets the anxiety off). I don't wear it between the car and the supermarket, on the beach or out walking, or if people drop over. But it's still a bit nerve wracking going into shops without a mask.

Wholefoods is okay though - the woman there doesn't wear one, and wears a tag on her apron that says why - that she has an exemption for medical reasons. We talk for ages about it, and her reasons not to, and how she spends time trawling forums on Facebook to correct people on why we don't all have to wear a mask! We joined by another woman who also wasn't wearing a mask. She doesn't believe they are necessary, and, as she puts it, she doesn't want to be 'muzzled'. We talk about the thermometers they used to measure temperature, like a gun to the forehead. The thing is, they can just as easily take the temperature at the wrist, which they do, but only if you ask. It works just as well. We talk about how confronting it is, and how cut off we are becoming from each other, and how precious it was to stand in a shop and really see each other, three woman, in solidarity with one another, sharing each other's anxieties. One was talking about her one year old with an ear infection not being able to be treated unless she had the COVID test. She was so upset and furious, but what could she do?

I measured out spices into paper bags, topping up my peppercorns and smoked paprika, and a few cinnamon sticks. Sadly, they didn't have kaffir lime leaves, which rendang traditionally has (I can't imagine a south east asian curry without them!) and we talked about needing a tree to share leaves from. We walked out, smiling at each other, reassured that we were not alone.

And so, as I blended the wet herbs and sprayed onion juice in my eye, I thought of woman, and how strong and powerful they are, and how some refuse to be muzzled, though popular view would have them wearing masks that activate our sympathetic nervous systems and have us anxious messes.

Tofu Rendang

Prepare
3 tbsps coconut, toasted (simply dry fry in pan)
1 block of tofu, marinated in tamari, fried

Blend or crush together:
3 small shallots or 2 spring onions
1 mild chilli
1 stick of lemongrass
1 chunk of galangal or a small knob of ginger

Fry the paste in oil and add tofu and a can of coconut milk.. Add 1 tbsp tamarind paste, 3 star anise, and a stick of cinnamon, and another stalk of lemongrass if you have it. Add the toasted coconut. You might like to add a splash of vegan fish sauce for a little saltiness - I added a tsp of stock. Add the kaffir lime leaves if you have them.

Simmer for about 15 minutes or until the flavours start to deepen.

Lay some pakchoy or other green veggies over the top of the sauce to wilt.

Add to rice (I used brown, cooked in a rice cooker with lemongrass and star anise) and sprinkle with coriander, more chopped chilli, a squeeze of lime juice to bring out the flavour, and some extra toasted coconut.