Rating: 3/5
AKA: Bela Lugosi’s Almost Dead, Almost, Almost, Almost!
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Now this is how you start a movie!
Last week we talked about watching a horror movie as a thunderstorm rages outside. Today, Ed Wood shows you how its done right bitch! Look at that gif above boyyyee!
Ed Wood got a lot of negative criticism back in the day, but today he’s the object of simp affection.
I won’t lie, we here at the review crew admire anyone who can get a film made, if that film comes from the heart. Even if it’s slapstick horror shit, if there was effort and love put in to the product, as an audience you can see and feel that.
I think that’s what makes watching some of Ed Woods movies fun, he had a passion for it. I don’t think his softcore porno films had that same gusto, aside from how the erotica was put on display.
That shit doesn’t matter anyway, for a time he lived to make the movies he wanted to, something we always promote on this blog.
Go do it bitches!
What’s that? Why don’t we make our own? Someday, someday my fellow debt slaves.
Bride of the Monster (1955)
“I’ve been around that swamp so many times, I’m getting webbed footed!”
Our story picks up with a couple of hunters caught in an intense thunderstorm “It sure ain’t natural!”
While trying to find refuge, they knock on the old Willow’s place, said to be abandoned.
They are greeted by mother fucking Bela Lugosi himself and are told to lickity split.
Shortly after, the hunters get attacked by a monster, causing the hunters to be reported missing. Yet another case in a string of disappearances in and around Marsh Lake.
Where did the monster come from? Who created it? Why is Kelton such a bitch?
These are the questions that will no doubt keep you hooked pal.
The effects are straight shit, the stage dressing is what you would see from a movie released 20 years before Bride of the Monster.
However, the story, ambiguity, and yes even the acting carries this piece from shitty, to charming.
Ed Wood dressed his sets, wrote dialogue and framed shots like the intended audience was for a stage play. I think at one point before making films he dabbled to get his work on a theater stage.
“Trust the Science Bitch!”
I’m a sucker for a mad scientist trying to create (insert super creation here) story. You can tell ol’ fancy sweater Eddy did as well.
Perfect vehicle to utilize Lugosi’s notoriety and fame. I don’t care how much morphine this cat was doing (Lugosi) he was still fresh in 1955, still fun to party with. If you don’t agree then to hell with you!
-FINAL WORD-
MRHELLBOX – Can’t stop, won’t stop, bad boy Lugosi. - 3/5
DRUNKEN MASTER – I once trimmed the hedges at Lugosi’s modest home for beer money and an old naked picture of Doris Day. Then out of nowhere Terry Melcher mugged me, and took it away. Terry was a bitch, oh but this movie was cool!– 3/5
PRINCE PECTORALS – Tor was a beefy bitch, I could take his ass though, 1v1 motherfucker LFG! – 3/5