Hi, it's Abeegail again. Welcome to my blog. Happy New Year. There's something I've always wanted to talk about, but I've never been able to write it down quite right. One of the ladies of hive prompts of last month was "what is the most important thing you would teach your child," or something like that, I don't really remember. I couldn't participate because I just couldn't put anything down, but now I think I have the answer.
If I have a child, I would teach them to speak up for themselves, to express themselves, to state what they want and what they don't. When you don't ever allow your kid to say no, when you don't ever allow your kid to express their opinion, when you don't ever allow your kid make any decisions for themselves ever, when don't ever want to listen or consider their perspective or opinion on anything, you are raising a child that would be overwhelmed when they get into the outside world.
A lot of children are obedient, not honest. They follow the rules not because they know it's the right thing, but just because they don't want to get punished. This, in turn, just makes anxious children. When a child never talks back and is hyper-compliant, it doesn't mean the child is mature or disciplined; it just means that the child has learnt that talking back or speaking up leads to getting yelled at or punished, so they don't push back. They start linking safety to silence, as long as I agree I won't get punished, even if they clearly dislike the idea. I know this firsthand because I was that hyper-compliant child; I never questioned my parents' commands, I followed them to the letter because I felt like my opinion didn't matter, even if I said anything, it wouldn't change anything. Now I've grown into a very anxious teen, a people pleaser, and I find it hard to make any type of decision.
One thing parents forget to understand is that you are not going to be there for every moment of your child's life, at some point you would leave your child on their own and because you've raised them to be easy for you to handle, they grow into adult that are people pleasers and they feel guilty for their "no" because they were never taught that it's okay to say "no" sometimes. They struggle to create boundaries because they were never given any. They overthink everything and stay silent because they were never allowed to talk back and share their opinions.
I think it is necessary to teach children to speak up and express themselves, because if we keep raising children to stay silent, they will grow up to be victims and prey. Empower your child, don't let them shrink their wholeness because it's easier for you to handle them. Let them understand that it is okay to ask questions, it is okay to say no sometimes, and it's okay to be loud sometimes. If not, they grow up into prey, and there are predators ready to gather them up.
It's Still Abeegail,
Just a reminder expressive kids are confident, and blind obedience builds fear.
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Thank you for Reading.
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