Greetings everyone, welcome to my blog.
Yesterday started well. I was supposed to have a two-hour lesson with two children — a primary school boy and an early-teen girl. Before I could start the conversation, I asked them to write their name and age on a sheet of paper. I wasn’t checking attendance. I was checking anxiety. I needed to see if his hands would shake, if he could focus long enough to write two words. It was my quiet way of asking, “Are you safe enough with me to begin?”_ "
I ended up spending three hours evaluating not their academics, but the impact of the boarding system on their mental wellness, socially and emotionally.
When I told them I was there to see them. The boy’s heart was racing faster. He asked, “What did I do? Why are you here?” His face went pale. I had to reassure him: we were only going to talk about our experiences. That’s when everything shifted. I spoke to each child separately. Both had the same quiet plea: “We don’t like living in the school hostel. We want to attend school from home.” They broke down in tears, begging me to talk to their parents to withdraw them from boarding.
Some parents believe boarding students perform better than day students. In my experience, that’s partly true. It depends entirely on the child.
What I Saw Instead of Performance In that moment, I realized these children were emotionally and mentally exhausted. And exhaustion affects grades more than any school type. They do not want a regimented repetitive life. They wanted space to breathe, to play, to be children after 3pm, do something else like sports and modeling as their choice.
The boy told me he was being bullied. He showed me scars from fights. The school patched his wounds but never called home. He kept quiet because anxiety had become his normal. One day, he decided to fight.
When I asked why, his answer broke me: “I fought hoping I would be expelled.”
He wasn’t trying to be bad. He was trying to go home badly. That’s a smart child using the only strategy he could think of. But the bullying has shattered his attention span. He is nervous all the time.
I asked, “Did you tell your parents during the holidays?” He said, "They’re busy providing for us.” At home he can play video games and watch TV. But he told me: “We’re comfortable, but we feel emotionally isolated from the family.”
The Words That Stayed With Me He looked at me and said: "You create time for your children." My parents take us to nice hotels and big malls. We pick whatever we want. That’s okay. But I wish they would talk to me gently and listen without harsh criticism or raising their voice. I’m always scared around adults. I feel so little and lost. I’m going back to the hostel soon and I’m afraid of what could go wrong. The students bully me. Sometimes I can’t sleep. I cry myself to sleep._
I even fought hoping I could be expelled. But I was only disciplined.”
He kept talking about his football dreams but the confined space and rigid timetable have frustrated that dream.
What Boarding School Cannot Fix :
- Money does not equal presence_: These kids have everything paid for, but they’re starving for attention. He still wants to be hugged and tucked into bed.
- Burying bullying with Silence: A school that treats wounds but hides the cause isn’t protecting children. It’s protecting itself — the business.
- Discipline is not Listening: He was disciplined. He’s being sent back. No one asked “why.” He wasn’t heard.
- Fear weakens Learning: A child planning his own expulsion cannot focus on math. His brain is busy surviving and planning escape from the prison — the hostel — not studying.
I’m not against boarding schools. I saw myself in that kid because I was in a boarding system for only a term as a kid
and my parents withdrew me. He had spent two terms and still not used to the system. Some children thrive there but when a child is begging, crying, showing you scars, and fighting to be expelled, “performance” is the wrong conversation. Safety is the conversation.
I will speak to their parents. Not to blame — to translate. Sometimes parents working hard to provide can’t hear their child’s heart cry. The parents complained that they are not close to them. They need someone else to turn up the volume.
To parents : Your child’s grades live in their heart. If the heart is terrified, the brain shuts down. Fifteen minutes of listening without your phone can matter more than tuition. Going out with each child separately — even for a walk — can be bonding.
To schools: A child fighting to be expelled is a call for intervention and rescue. Calling parents isn’t optional. It’s a duty of care.
To the kid I met: You’re not “bad” for wanting to go to school from home. You’re not “weak” for being scared. You’re just a child asking to feel safe and loved. And that is your right.
Have you been to boarding school? Was it heaven or hell for you? Parents; if your child begged not to go back, would you pull them out? Let’s talk 👇
Would you like to hear to hear the early -teen-girl's boarding story next..
Details changed to protect privacy. The image is AI generated. Story shared to raise awareness about effect of bullying and start conversations that save kids.