From time to time, telling the child "no" or telling him what to do is the most appropriate option. But if this is repeated too often, children do not become independent and may feel unable to cope with difficulties. If you want your children to be more positive, you need to trust them more.
However, positive parenting does not mean that you have to agree with the child at all. This means that you will give the child control over his own world. You must establish with delicacy and love the limits for the child with whom you will feel comfortable.
To achieve this, you can use certain strategies that allow you to dispense with the word "no" to communicate with the child.
Do not always say "no", you can say some of these phrases to the child:
"You are old enough, now I will trust you with responsibility for some things".
Parents do not give children enough control over their lives. They spend so much time correcting what children do, that the children themselves begin to think that nothing depends on them. The child must feel capable of making his own decisions.
If it is difficult for the child to wake up in the morning, he can buy an alarm clock and suggest to himself what time he wants to get up.
It also establishes the time to wash, get dressed and eat breakfast. Present such innovation not as a duty, but as a privilege. Say: "You're old enough to stand up, wash and get dressed" or "I see how responsible you are. I think you can be assigned to do the morning procedures yourself. "Plan your schedule with your child.
You will be surprised, but after a while, the child will begin to wake up and go to school alone. He will feel responsible for doing these things. Your morning will be organized and enjoyable, you will even have a little time to talk with your child. This method can be used in other situations: when a child does not want to go to bed, learn lessons, go with his grandmother, etc.
"When you learn the lessons, you can watch cartoons".
It is possible that a young child does not understand when he can see cartoons and when: no. You may want to see the cartoons at any time, when it's time to eat, go to bed, etc. Of course, in such cases, parents are forced to say no.Psychologists suggest that parents use the "if" strategy in such cases: when the child completes all the required tasks (learns lessons, cleans in his room, performs housework), then he can watch cartoons or play computer games.
If you have several children and usually see cartoons together, you should tell them that they will only see them when each of them does their work. When children know exactly what should happen next, they will be much more likely to say yes. The "if - then" strategy can be used when you put your child to bed ("when you brush your teeth, I can read you one more book") or during lunch ("when you eat soup, get a dessert").
"We are going to discuss this."
- "Why is this so important to you?" (Maybe the boy wants to go home with friends or the privilege of leaving home only gives him a sense of freedom);
- "If I let you, what important things do you need to remember?" (Where you should be careful)
- "How can I help you?" (Maybe the son just needed his parents to trust him more).
Sometimes, the situation does not allow us to answer "yes" to all the requests of the child, sometimes we do not have time for this. But it is important that your children know that you listen to their needs and desires and take them seriously. It will improve your relationship with them.