The ability to ask for forgiveness is one of the most important skills that children are taught from an early age. Without it, it is impossible to imagine the development of an adult, responsible and self-sufficient personality. But learning is not always easy for a child ... How can you make the process of cultivating the habit of apology effective and simple, both for the child and for you?
What is good and what is bad "?
The foundation of the ability to ask for forgiveness should be teaching the child simple concepts of what is "good" and what is "bad." A child who understands the difference between these concepts is ready to admit mistakes and apologize in the future. Have you eaten all the porridge? Well done, I did the right thing. Did you put your toys away after you? Bad, you annoyed mom and dad with this. Did you share the gift with your little brother? Marvelous! Did you get into a fight on the playground and broke your friend's toy? You can't do that ... And although it seems too simplistic, it will become the basis for further education.
Why doesn't the child ask for forgiveness?
But what if the child seems to know right from wrong, but doesn't want to apologize point-blank? If you summarize all the possible options, the reason is usually one of the following:
- Not aware of his guilt
source
Young children 2 to 3 years old are just learning to establish causal relationships, even in the sphere of their behavior. And then they may have trouble seeing a line that would seem obvious to an adult: a child hit or offended another child, burst into tears, and the former is now being scolded and asked to apologize.
Why should I apologize for what I did or did? The baby's thinking is organized in such a way that he sees the connection between what he offended and what he cried. He also sees a connection: he cried and now they expect me to apologize. But to combine the first point (offended) and the third point (apologize) of this sequence of events, the baby may not be successful yet!
- Fear of censorship
Children often do not want to ask for forgiveness because they are afraid. It seems to them that if they admit their mistake, then nobody wants to deal with them: “After all, I am bad, since I did something bad. And with bad children, as parents say, nobody wants to be friends ... ”. Therefore, they are afraid to pronounce the precious words so as not to provoke a negative development of the situation, without realizing that only an apology would help to steer this situation down a peaceful channel. In this case, it is necessary to act in several directions.
- Just stubborn
Children can be very stubborn. And even under heavy pressure, they may not want to apologize. How to be here First, don't scold him, it won't do any good, except for further escalation of the situation. Punishments will not help either: they will have a short-term effect, but nothing else, from now on, you will not make concessions again in a conflict situation for which you became the culprit. Second, think about the reasons for this behavior.
It is very likely that the child will not admit the error ... because you do not admit them! Children adopt almost all the behaviors of their parents. If the parents never admit their guilt and do not say the words "forgive me, I was wrong ..." to each other or to other family members, then an apology should not be expected from the baby. Your personal example is the best way to teach a young child of any age and temperament to ask for forgiveness.
Information source.
https://parenting.firstcry.com/articles/how-to-teach-kids-to-apologize-say-sorry-and-actually-mean-it/
https://www.doinggoodtogether.org/dgt-newsletter/teaching-children-apologize