Life is unpredictable and honestly most of the teachings that life presents to you, you never see it coming. And like no one ever told me that alone driving at 3am on a deserted road would teach me more about myself than any conversation I have ever had with someone. But it did. And I think of it so much.
It was a night like that when sleep was not coming. You have that experience when your brain is too loud and your bed is too small and you just need to get out of the bed. So I woke up, grabbed my keys and simply began driving. there was neither plan nor destination, nor a person to sit beside me. Me and the road and the noise of the engine in the dark.
The silence is the first thing that you realize when you are alone in your car at 3am. Not the awkward type, in fact the nice type. The world is sleeping and this time no one wants anything out of you. No words to answer, no schemes to work out, no one to make a case to. And in that silence your brain begins to do something weird, it begins to speak truth to you. Like really honest. The type of thoughts you have continued to push out all day, at 3am on an empty highway, they come to the surface and you can no longer ignore them.
I was thinking about so many things. Regarding decisions I continued postponing. Of people I ought to have told things to. Regarding the version of myself I continue to give myself a promise to become but always make me push to the later. The road doesn't judge you. It simply continues and in some way that gives you the right to be truthful to yourself.
And I had observed that, when you are alone at that time, your priorities get very clear. During the day life is noisy and you're busy thinking about what others think, what looks right, what makes sense to everyone else. But at 3am there are only you. And you soon see what it is that you actually care about and what you were just carrying because you thought you had to.
Something else also. Fear. You are driving by yourself in the dark at an unknown road that you are somewhat intimidated by. You carry on, however, because it hurts more to go back. And I believe it actually is a very crucial emotion to possess. We never see any of those things which we fear so much in real life. We just avoid. But in that road you can not avoid anything. You simply drive through it.
I got home back at around 5am when the sky was only just beginning to turn. I spent some few minutes sitting in the car before proceeding to get in. I didn't solve any big problem that night. I didn't find any magical answer. And yet I returned with a lightened heart. As I got to know myself a bit better.
To be quite frank, there are times when you do not need a piece of advice given by anyone. All that is required is a deserted highway, a dark night and the boldness to be alone and to be left to his own devices.
That is what 3am can teach you.