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i dont even remember when it started honestly. like one day things were normal and then slowly everything just started feeling… idk flat. not in a dramatic way just quiet change that you dont notice properly at first.
i used to enjoy small stuff a lot. like playing games for hours without even checking time or just laying down watching random videos and laughing at stupid things. now i open the same game and close it after like 5 minutes. not even bored exactly just no real pull towards it. like my brain is there but also not there.
its weird because nothing big even happened. life is kinda same. same room same phone same routine same people around. but something inside just not reacting the same way anymore. like the excitement part just went missing somewhere and didnt come back.
i remember few days ago i opened this old playlist. songs i used to play on repeat like literally couldnt skip a single one. but that day i just kept skipping every track. not because they were bad just because i wasnt feeling anything from them. and that felt more strange than anything else.
i just sat there staring at the screen for a bit. not even thinking anything specific. just blank. not sad not happy just there. and i kept trying to feel something like come on at least one song should hit but nothing really did.
maybe its just mood or something. or maybe im just tired and dont realize it properly. because even when i try to force myself to enjoy something it feels fake. like im acting for no reason. and that makes it even more annoying.
and the funny part is i still want to enjoy those things. like i open them with that expectation maybe this time it will feel normal again. but it doesnt. its like chasing a feeling that was there before but now its just memory.
dont know if its growing up or brain getting used to everything or maybe too much repetition. everything starts looking same after a while. even scrolling feels pointless sometimes but still i do it out of habit i guess.
yesterday i saw this one guy outside the shop. he was just sitting and listening to music on his phone completely lost in it like fully enjoying. and i just stood there for a second thinking how does that still happen. not sure why i noticed that but it stayed in my head for some reason.
anyway maybe its just a phase or maybe things just change and we dont notice when exactly. or maybe im overthinking again.
i was about to open that game again just now but idk if i even want to or just doing it because i used to…