It's a thin line between love and hate. This is not just a much celebrated hit song by "The Persuaders" or just some old saying. Love and hate really seem to be two sides of the same coin.
Image by 999theone - source: Pixabay
Another saying that illustrates that love and hate are not really opposites is this one: "The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference." I think we can all relate to the universal truth that love can easily turn into hate, and that it's sometimes surprisingly easy to hate someone you really love, even someone you have a great and loving relationship with for years.
Reasons to love and hate simultaneously are not too hard to imagine, but here's some:
- Bey bey freedom. Because love, or at least love that goes with a lasting relationship (romantic, parental and friendly love) demands you give up some of your freedoms You "make" time for one another, time that you cannot spend on things you might rather be doing. You'll regularly be setting aside your own preferences out of love for the other, which paradoxically can plant seeds of hate. Especially in these times of so much focus on personal freedom, letting go of some of those freedoms might not feel too good.
- Love not being reciprocated can cause hatred for the one you love. Especially when you think you are a good and lovable person yourself, it's hard to comprehend that the object of your romantic feelings doesn't love you back. You might even see it as a flaw in the other person that makes you direct negative feelings toward that person.
- You're vulnerable because in a lasting relationship you need to be able to be yourself, laying bare your weaknesses and flaws. It's much easier to hurt vulnerable people, which means you're taking a risk. Sometimes that risk can overwhelm us and make us sometimes hate the other one.
- Because the other person has the same problem, you also get to see their weaknesses and flaws. You get to see character traits that stay hidden for all the rest of humanity; this makes you keep their dirty little secrets for them, as you trust they do for you. Until one of you betrays that trust, then all hell breaks loose.
source: Max Pixel
More ways in which love and hate are close relatives are that they're both directed to another person for who he or she is, they both make us act irrationally and they're both some of the most strongly felt emotions. But what has science to say about this? A rather famous study done in 2008 showed this:
Scientists studying the physical nature of hate have found that some of the nervous circuits in the brain responsible for it are the same as those that are used during the feeling of romantic love – although love and hate appear to be polar opposites.
A study using a brain scanner to investigate the neural circuits that become active when people look at a photograph of someone they say they hate has found that the "hate circuit" shares something in common with the love circuit.
source: The Independent
One result of the measurements was "the fact that large parts of the cerebral cortex – associated with judgement and reasoning – become de-activated during love, whereas only a small area is deactivated in hate." This is because we're much more critical and judgmental towards those persons we hate than to the ones we love. Read the entire article Scientists prove it really is a thin line between love and hate.
I thought it fitting to close with that great song by "The Persuaders"; listen to the lyrics for a wise lesson on how not to treat the one you love ;-) I've been with my lovely wife for more than 35 years now and we've raised a son together, and I can affirm all of the above. Love, or a loving relationship sometimes takes effort, there'll be ups and downs. It's an emotional investment that sometimes can behave as irrational as the crypto marketplace. If you want to make it work, HODL is the best advice I can give you ;-)
I love you're here to read my blog, dear reader, and I hope you'll be back tomorrow. Until then, keep spreading the love (and don't hate)!
The Persuaders - Thin Line between Love & Hate
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