I am pretty sure that you have seen or at least heard that song from season 4 of Stranger Things.
Running Up That Hill by Kate Bush has seeped into the collective mind of people as it was used in such a great scene putting so much emotion into it.
Then a lot of people were covering it in Youtube, TikTok and other social media sites as it lends such an ethereal beauty when you hear it.
There was something that tugged in my chest the first time that I heard it. Against the backdrop of what Max was experiencing at that time, you could feel the heaviness.
There was something weirdly discordant with the synthesizer chords yet it works. Then the first few lines of the song invoke this sadness and feeling of loneliness until it starts to climb up and getting into a crescendo in the chorus with that ethereal tone. Then you have the lyrics.
*And if I only could, I'd make a deal with God
And I'd get Him to swap our places
Be running up that road, be running up that hill
Be running up that building
Say if I only could, oh *
It's been stuck in my head as I continue to hum it. The images of running that hill are in my imagination. Powerful.
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
There will be some major spoilers below as I talk more about that scene from Stranger Things. So if you plan to watch it and have not reached that point and don't want to be spoiled then I suggest that you stop reading a couple of the parts.
Last season was heavily criticized for a lot of the "fluff" as the characters had these moments of happiness, love, and just being normal teenagers which they were.
Yet this season was the best so far. The way that those fluff moments were used especially in the storyline of Max just paid off big time! Then of course that song which is both beautiful and haunting and could be used in different ways just adds another layer to this masterful telling of Max's story.
The death of Billy weighing heavily on her and how she slowly trying to isolate herself from her friends and loved ones as she was hurting inside and had regrets and what-ifs running through her head and she didn't want to bother anyone else are classic signs of her depression getting too much for her.
Having wrestled with depression and having suicidal ideations made me relate to Max this season. That idea that I want to be alone to figure out the pain that I am dealing with and shutting people out is something that I have done again and again. It hurts and you just don't want to be pitiful around people.
Then it gets to a point that it becomes unbearable that you might think that death is the escape. You inflict small cuts to get yourself familiar to that pain. It gets deeper and deeper as you feel numb and empty. You feel that the void might be better than the pain that you are going through.
Then you gain that acceptance and peace as you make subtle plans to bid goodbye. You put everything in order. You write letters to your love ones. You message them one last time. You might even see them and act normal and happy as you accepted that you will embrace death.
Then you do it...
The writers, the director, the actors that all contributed to this moment really did it so well that it was so emotionally packed that it had you holding your breath as Max confronts Vecna who at this point was made out to be this big evil that you could not escape.
It was such a great depiction of that depression that people feel which is why I think so many people were drawn to it because it gave life to what they were feeling. It gave substance to those unspoken words in their heads and hearts. It gave form to that emotion that they did not want to acknowledge. Powerful.
Words and music have this power. It can draw out emotions. It can bolster the waning strength you have as it empowers you with that feeling that you can do it. That you are here.
When I saw Max enter that trance-like state and in Vecna's world have these tendrils wrap around her body and neck, there was that feeling of helplessness. This was it. She was going to die.
The lead up to her friends looking for the cassette and looking for that song, Running Up That Hill, gave a sliver of hope. The world was red and bleak and she was trapped but she could hear the song and the shout of her friends.
It invoked those memories that she had together witn them. The emotions poured in as she stopped being numbed as she remembered that she is loved. That she matters. That gave her the strength to fight. To want to live. To be here.
It gave her the final push to see what Vecna is and that she had the strength to break free of the tendrils holding her down. It gave her that start to run towards the light, to her friends, to life.
It is hard and just like people with depression she would fall and stumble. She would get up and try to run up that road.
The music swells as the chorus kicks in as she literally fights for her life. She hears the music and the shouts louder now and she takes that leap of faith to live.
It is abrupt and it hurts when she lands just like life hurts at times. She is embraced by people that care for her and she says I am still here... Powerful.
It really made me think of those times when I was at my lowest. When I pushed people away. Of that regret when I lay there dying as I wanted to live. I wanted a chance.
It is an awful cycle whenever I am depressed and the suicide ideation becomes too much to bear. I still struggle from time to time but I am still here.