Dear Ones! This post is the first of many on the theme of NVC. What is NVC? Well i could share the literal meaning, but it would not help you to truly understand the sheer transformative power of this approach to life. Therefore I am going to be posting quite a lot about it, and hoping to teach share and inspire many of us on Hive and beyond. I have been assisting people using NVC resolution for many years now and can personally testify as to its almost magical like results. Let me try to explain!
Everyone's Playing The "Im Right You're Wrong Game"
Do you get into “right fights”? You know you’re in one when you’re arguing with somebody in order to be right or because you want to win. In these arguments we are rarely trying to connect. Being right is the name of the game. Why do we do this? For many, it is an attempt to meet needs for safety, acceptance and understanding. What we usually receive, though, is discontentment, discord, and hopelessness.
What would happen if we wanted to prevent or resolve conflicts more than we wanted to be right or to win arguments? In intense conversations, it can be easy to forget our goal to fix the problem because we are so experienced in right fights or defending our position. The problem is that we often spend endless hours battling and hurling accusations and abuse, suffering great angst in the process, with absolutely no progress made at the end of it!
Would you like to learn a totally different way to communicate and fix this? I promise you it is not only very possible but also something you can make great progress with very quickly just by learning a few new concepts relating to HOW you communicate. There are very few rules, it's more about understanding the approach.
I will be posting short posts on this topic, rather than try to overload you with long posts that have far too much information for you to really digest and assimilate. If you feel that you are wasting your time and energy on conflicts and would like to learn a way to resolve them with no pain, no fuss, and maximal gain then please follow these posts. They will always start with the three letters NVC.
NVC is a new paradigm for communication
Most of us are hungry for skills that can improve the quality of our relationships, to deepen our sense of personal empowerment or simply help us communicate more effectively. Unfortunately, most of us have been educated from birth to compete, judge, demand and diagnose; to think and communicate in terms of what is "right" and "wrong" with people. At best, the habitual ways we think and speak hinder communication and create misunderstanding and frustration. And still worse, they can cause anger and pain, and may lead to violence. Without wanting to, even people with the best of intentions generate needless conflict. NVC helps us reach beneath the surface and discover what is alive and vital within us, and how all of our actions are based on human needs that we are seeking to meet. We learn to develop a vocabulary of feelings and needs that helps us more clearly express what is going on in us, and understand what is going on it others, at any given moment. When we understand and acknowledge our needs, we develop a shared foundation for much more satisfying relationships.What is NVC?
NVC is much more than a communication model. NVC means honestly expressing how I am feeling and what I would like without using blame, criticism or demands AND Receiving how another is and what he/she would like without hearing blame, criticism or demands.In my next post i will share some tips and the most important part of HOW to speak to someone without blaming or judging them so that they will be extremely receptive and even grateful that you took the time to speak with them. As unlikely as this may sound, i have helped many people through relationship struggles with partners and X partners and saved them so much time and angst. It really is very simple, if you are willing! To put is simply and very bluntly, this is like friggin magic!!!
