I was buying food for my kitchen one day when I heard a loud noise behind me. My heart skipped a beat as I turned sharply to see a child on the floor who had just broken a plate on the shelf. He was upset because he wanted his mum to buy him a toy he already had at home.
His mother, now tasked with paying for the plate, looked more embarrassed than anything by her son's behaviour. You may have seen this kind of behaviour before—it’s called throwing a tantrum. The child may scream, lash out, or even employ self-harming techniques to get what they want.
Most times, we react with understanding, empathy, or judgment when we see a child throwing a tantrum. But how do you react when an adult begins to act out?
Adults Have Tantrums Too
Have you ever seen someone, usually calm and composed, suddenly lose their cool and behave in ways you'd only expect from a 6-year-old? How do you handle such situations?
At the core of a tantrum is a loud, unspoken request: I want that thing, and I want it now. Imagine someone at a bank being told to wait in line for a withdrawal. They start shouting, yelling, and cursing, claiming entitlement to special attention. Sometimes, the situation can escalate to physical aggression.
We encounter this behaviour in hospitals quite often. Some years ago, I heard about a man who stormed into the hospital emergency department with a gun, likely because he believed the doctors had caused his wife's death. Thankfully, the police intervened in time.
Many adults who struggle to process loss or difficult diagnoses take out their frustration on healthcare workers. This is why nearly every healthcare facility enforces a strict zero-violence policy—an essential measure, as doctors and nurses have been injured or even killed by adults throwing tantrums.
How Do You Respond to a Tantrum?
- Run: You need to ensure that your safety is guaranteed. If there is no way to do that, then you need to find the nearest exit and disappear. If you are not safe, do not try to calm someone who is having a tantrum.
- Don’t Try to Reason with Him/Her: If someone is lashing out, you can be sure that logical reasoning is out of the picture. Trying to reason with them is like pouring water on a duck’s back. It is highly ineffective and may even make the situation worse.
- Wait: People having a tantrum are only thinking about themselves at that instant. Anything that does not soothe their ego or give them what they want would make them explode even more. The best thing to do is to wait until they calm down.
Most times, adult tantrums aren’t purely about the immediate situation. The outburst may stem from pent-up emotions, and you could simply be the unlucky recipient of their frustration
My Personal Experience
I recently had to deal with an adult who was throwing a tantrum, and I must say, it is a scary experience. There was some miscommunication as to what I was going to be doing for this client, which was not my fault. He came to me expecting something, and when I stated to him that I was unable to grant his request, the volcano erupted.
Here is what I did that helped me get out without the issue escalating much:
- I held my expression without showing much emotion while calmly repeating myself in a soothing voice.
- I made sure I gave him time to speak. When he finished speaking, I would look directly at him with no emotion on my face but with my voice as soothing as possible and say the very same thing I had said before.
It soon became clear to him that he was barking up the wrong tree, and he had to leave. All this while, my heart was in my hand as he was sitting right in front of me and could at any point give me a jab effortlessly if he tried. But I stayed strong, and soon, he calmed himself enough to leave.
Conclusion
Knowing how to handle an adult throwing a tantrum is crucial. It not only helps you stay safe but also prevents the situation from escalating further. Staying calm, composed, and patient while ensuring your safety is the best approach. Remember, it’s not about fixing their emotions in the moment but navigating the situation in a way that protects everyone involved