I searched for data because I heard news about gaslighting these days.
Let's check if I'm not the victim or perpetrator of gaslighting and deal with gaslighting well so that I don't get damaged.
Gaslighting Means
Gaslighting refers to one of psychological manipulations that intentionally distort facts or events to make the other person's memory, perception, or mental power suspect.
Gaslighting is a term referring to mental abuse originating from the thriller "Gas Light" directed by Patrick Hamilton in 1938.
The play tells the story of a man named Jack, who controls and suppresses his wife, Bella, making him rely on him by blurring his judgment.
Gaslighting process
Gas lighting is often done in close or intimate relationships, such as at home, school, lovers, military, and work.
Gaslighting is usually done when you try to control and suppress someone with asymmetric power rather than horizontal.
Gaslighting perpetrators make victims suspect themselves through distortions that constantly refute the victim's memory or exaggerate mistakes.
In addition, they continue to belittle the victim's demands or feelings, or deny what actually happened, causing the victim to lose self-esteem and judgment.
If this behavior continues, the victim becomes accustomed to gaslighting and sympathizes with the perpetrator's thoughts, doubts himself, and lowers his self-esteem, losing his ability to make accurate judgments on his own.
In particular, in this process, the perpetrator socially isolates the victim, and the victim often suffers from depression. In the worst case, post-traumatic stress disorder can also be experienced.
Gaslighting Type
According to Patricia Evans' argument, the method of gaslighting abuse appears as follows. As these actions gradually continue, the victim's self-esteem decreases and sympathizes with the perpetrator's thoughts.
Refuse: Refuse or don't understand the victim's opinion.
Counterfeit: Distrust the victim's memory.
Transition: Suspect the victim's thoughts.
Negligence : Makes the victim's demands or feelings seem trivial.
Forgetting: Pretending to forget or denying what really happened.
a sign of being gaslighted
In many cases, not only the victim but also the perpetrator himself are not aware of the harm caused by gas lighting. In addition, these problems occur frequently around them.
6 gaslighting self-diagnosis
I don't know why, but in the end things always go his way.
I've heard things like, "You're too sensitive," "This is why you're being ignored," "You have to endure criticism," and "I've never said that. You must have imagined it alone."
I often change the person's behavior to those around me.
Before you meet the person, you will check to see if you have done anything wrong.
He lies in case he yells at him.
Before he knew me, I think I was a much more self-confident and life-pleaser.
Gaslighting illustration
. It's all because you're wrong
. If it's not me, can you handle it?
. So you're ignored, don't you know why you're ignored?
. You love me, but you can't do this much?
. I told you I didn't want to wear that, don't wear it
. I'm saying this because I love and care about you
How to deal with gaslighting
In order not to be gaslighted, you must distinguish between truth and lies in the other person's words, and examine whether the requirements are beyond common sense or whether all the wrongdoing is attributed to me.
As important as analyzing the other person is to see yourself and your relationship objectively.
At the same time, efforts to develop a sense of ownership and self-reliance for one's life are required.
The gaslighting victim may need the help of a third party because they have already lost the ability to doubt and judge. It is helpful for someone to see and talk to them with their objective eyes.
Let's restore our self-esteem.
Thank you for reading my post. ๐
[korean version]
์์ฆ ๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ ๊ด๋ จ๋ ๋ด์ค๋ฅผ ๋ฃ๊ฒ ๋์ ์๋ฃ๋ฅผ ๊ฒ์ํด ๋ณด์๋ค.
๋๋ ๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ ํผํด์ ๋๋ ๊ฐํด์๊ฐ ์๋์ง ์ฒดํฌํด๋ณด๊ณ ํผํด๋ฅผ ๋ฐ์ง ์๋๋ก ๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ ์ ๋์ฒํ์.
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ๋ป
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ด๋ ์ฌ์ค์ด๋ ์ฌ๊ฑด์ ์๋์ ์ผ๋ก ์๊ณกํ์ฌ ์๋๋ฐฉ์๊ธฐ์ต, ์ธ์ ๋๋ ์ ์ ๋ ฅ์ ์์ฌํ๊ฒ ๋ง๋๋ ์ฌ๋ฆฌ์ ์กฐ์ ์ค ํ๋๋ฅผ ๋ปํ๋ค.
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ 1938๋ ํจํธ๋ฆญ ํด๋ฐํด ์๊ฐ๊ฐ ์ฐ์ถํ ์ค๋ฆด๋ฌ ์ฐ๊ทน '๊ฐ์ค๋ฑ(Gas Light)'์์ ์ ๋๋ ์ ์ ์ ํ๋๋ฅผ ์ผ์ปซ๋ ์ฉ์ด๋ค.
์ด ์ฐ๊ทน์ ์ญ์ด๋ผ๋ ํ ๋จ์ฑ์ด ์๋ด ๋ฒจ๋ผ๋ฅผ ํต์ ํ๊ณ ์ต์ํ์ฌ ํ๋จ์ ํ๋ฆฌ๊ฒ ํด ์์ ์๊ฒ ์์กดํ๋๋ก ๋ง๋๋ ์ด์ผ๊ธฐ๋ฅผ ๋ด๊ณ ์๋ค.
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ๊ณผ์
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ ๊ฐ์ ,ํ๊ต,์ฐ์ธ,๊ตฐ๋,์ง์ฅ ๋ฑ ์ฃผ๋ก ๋ฐ์ ํ๊ฑฐ๋ ์น๋ฐํ ๊ด๊ณ์์ ์ด๋ค์ง๋ ๊ฒฝ์ฐ๊ฐ ๋ง๋ค.
๋ณดํต์ ์ํ์ ์ด๊ธฐ๋ณด๋ค๋ ๋น๋์นญ์ ๊ถ๋ ฅ์ผ๋ก ๋๊ตฐ๊ฐ๋ฅผ ํต์ ํ๊ณ ์ต์ํ๋ ค ํ ๋ ๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ด ์ด๋ค์ง๋ค.
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ๊ฐํด์๋ ํผํด์์ ๊ธฐ์ต์ ์ง์์ ์ผ๋ก ๋ฐ๋ฐํ๊ฑฐ๋ ์ค์๋ฅผ ๊ณผ์ฅํ๋ ์๊ณก์ ํตํด ํผํด์ ์ค์ค๋ก ์์ฌํ๊ฒ ๋ง๋ ๋ค.
๋ํ ํผํด์์ ์๊ตฌ๋ ๊ฐ์ ์ ํ์ฐฎ๊ฒ ์ฌ๊ธฐ๊ฑฐ๋, ์ค์ ๋ก ๋ฐ์ํ ์ผ์ ๋ถ์ธํ๋ ํ์๋ฅผ ์ง์ํด ํผํด์๊ฐ ์์กด๊ฐ๊ณผ ํ๋จ๋ ฅ์ ์๊ฒ ๋ง๋ ๋ค.
์ด๋ฌํ ํ์๊ฐ ์ง์์ ์ผ๋ก ์ด์ด์ง๋ฉด ํผํด์๋ ๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ ์ต์ํด์ง๋ฉด์ ๊ฐํด์์ ์๊ฐ์ ๋์กฐํ๊ฒ ๋๊ณ , ์์ ์ ์์ฌํ๋ฉฐ ์์กด๊ฐ์ด ๋ฎ์์ ธ ์ค์ค๋ก ์ ํํ ํ๋จ์ ๋ด๋ฆฌ๋ ๋ฅ๋ ฅ์ ์์คํ๊ฒ ๋๋ค.
ํนํ ์ด ๊ณผ์ ์์ ๊ฐํด์๋ ํผํด์๋ฅผ ์ฌํ์ ์ผ๋ก ๊ณ ๋ฆฝ์ํค๊ฒ ๋๊ณ , ํผํด์๋ ์ด๋ก ์ธํด ์ฐ์ธ์ฆ์ ๊ฒช๋ ๊ฒฝ์ฐ๊ฐ ๋ง๋ค. ์ต์ ์ ์ํฉ์์๋ ์ธ์ ํ ์คํธ๋ ์ค ์ฅ์ ๋ฅผ ๊ฒช๊ธฐ๋ ํ๋ค.
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ ํ
ํํธ๋ฆฌ์์ ์๋ฐ์ค(Patricia Evans)์ ์ฃผ์ฅ์ ๋ฐ๋ฅด๋ฉด ๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ํ๋ ๋ฐฉ๋ฒ์ ๋ค์๊ณผ ๊ฐ์ด ๋ํ๋๋ค. ์ด๋ฌํ ํ์๊ฐ ์ ์ง์ ์ผ๋ก ์ด์ด์ง๋ฉด์ ํผํด์๋ ์์กด๊ฐ์ด ๋ฎ์์ง๊ณ ๊ฐํด์์ ์๊ฐ์ ๋์กฐํ๊ฒ ๋๋ค๋ ๊ฒ์ด๋ค.
๊ฑฐ๋ถ : ํผํด์์ ์๊ฒฌ์ ๊ฑฐ๋ถํ๊ฑฐ๋ ์ดํดํ์ง ์๋๋ค.
๋ฐ๋ฐ : ํผํด์์ ๊ธฐ์ต์ ๋ถ์ ํ๋ค.
์ ํ : ํผํด์์ ์๊ฐ์ ์์ฌํ๋ค.
๊ฒฝ์ : ํผํด์์ ์๊ตฌ๋ ๊ฐ์ ์ ํ์ฐฎ๊ฒ ์ฌ๊ฒจ์ง๊ฒ ๋ง๋ ๋ค.
๋ง๊ฐ : ์ค์ ๋ก ๋ฐ์ํ ์ผ์ ์์ ์ฒ ํ๊ฑฐ๋ ๋ถ์ธํ๋ค.
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ ๋นํ๊ณ ์๋ค๋ ์ ํธ
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ ํผํด์๋ ๋ฌผ๋ก , ๊ฐํด์ ์์ ๋ ๊ฐํด ์ฌ์ค์ ์ธ์งํ์ง ๋ชปํ๋ ๊ฒฝ์ฐ๊ฐ ๋ง๋ค. ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ ์ด๋ฐ ๋ฌธ์ ๋ ์ด์ธ๋ก ์ฃผ๋ณ์์ ๋น๋ฒํ๊ฒ ๋ฐ์ํ๋ค.
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์๊ฐ์ง๋จ 6๊ฐ์ง
์์ธ์ง ๋ชฐ๋ผ๋ ๊ฒฐ๊ตญ ํญ์ ๊ทธ ์ฌ๋ ๋ฐฉ์๋๋ก ์ผ์ด ์งํ๋๋ค.
๊ทธ ์ฌ๋์๊ฒ '๋๋ ๋๋ฌด ์๋ฏผํด', '์ด๊ฒ ๋ค๊ฐ ๋ฌด์๋นํ๋ ์ด์ ์ผ', '๋น๋ ๋ฐ์๋ ์ฐธ์์ผ์ง', '๋๋ ๊ทธ๋ฐ ์ด์ผ๊ธฐ ํ ์ ์์ด. ๋ ํผ์ ์์ํ ๊ฑฐ๊ฒ ์ง' ๋ฑ์ ๋ง์ ๋ค์ ์ ์ด ์๋ค.
๊ทธ ์ฌ๋์ ํ๋์ ๋ํด ์ฃผ๋ณ ์ฌ๋๋ค์๊ฒ ์์ฃผ ๋ณ๊ฒฝํ๋ค.
๊ทธ ์ฌ๋์ ๋ง๋๊ธฐ ์ ์๋ชปํ ์ผ์ด ์๋ ์ง ์ ๊ฒํ๊ฒ ๋๋ค.
๊ทธ ์ฌ๋์ด ์ฝ๋ฐ์ง๋ฅผ๊น๋ฐ ๊ฑฐ์ง๋ง์ ํ๋ค.
๊ทธ ์ฌ๋์ด ์๊ธฐ ์ ์ ๋๋ ํจ์ฌ ์์ฌ๊ฐ ์๊ณ ์ถ์ ์ฆ๊ธฐ๋ ์ฌ๋์ด์๋ค๊ณ ์๊ฐ์ด ๋ ๋ค.
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์์ ํ๋ฒ
. ์ด๊ฒ ๋ค ๋ค๊ฐ ์๋ชปํด์ ๊ทธ๋ฐ๊ฑฐ์ผ
. ๋ด๊ฐ ์๋๋ฉด ๋๋ฅผ ๊ฐ๋นํ ์ ์์ด?
. ๊ทธ๋ฌ๋๊น ๋ค๊ฐ ๋ฌด์ ๋นํ์ง, ๋ค๊ฐ ์ ๋ฌด์ ๋นํ๋์ง ๋ชฐ๋ผ?
. ๋๋ฅผ ์ฌ๋ํ๋๋ฐ ์ด ์ ๋๋ ๋ชปํด์ค?
. ๊ทธ๋ฐ ์ท ์ฐจ๋ฆผ ์ซ๋ค๊ณ ํ์์, ์
์ง๋ง
. ๋๋ฅผ ์ฌ๋ํ๊ณ ์๊ปด์ ํ๋ ๋ง์ด์ผ
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ๋์ฒ๋ฒ
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ์ ๋นํ์ง ์์ผ๋ ค๋ฉด ์๋๋ฐฉ์ ๋ง์์ ์ง์ค๊ณผ ๊ฑฐ์ง์ ๊ตฌ๋ถํ๊ณ , ์๊ตฌ์ฌํญ์ด ์์์ ๋ฒ์ด๋์ง ์๋์ง, ๋ชจ๋ ์๋ชป์ ๋์๊ฒ ๋๋ฆฌ์ง ์๋์ง ๋ฐ์ ธ๋ด์ผ ํ๋ค.
์๋๋ฐฉ์ ๋ถ์ํ๋ ๊ฒ ๋งํผ ์ค์ํ ๊ฒ์ ์์ , ๊ทธ๋ฆฌ๊ณ ๋ ์ฌ๋ ๊ด๊ณ๋ฅผ ๊ฐ๊ด์ ์ผ๋ก ๋ณด๋ ๊ฒ์ด๋ค.
๋์์ ์์ ์ ์ถ์ ๋ํ ์ฃผ์ธ์์๊ณผ ์๋ฆฝ์ฌ์ ๊ธฐ๋ฅด๋ ๋
ธ๋ ฅ์ด ์๊ตฌ๋๋ค.
๊ฐ์ค๋ผ์ดํ ํผํด์๋ ์ด๋ฏธ ์์ฌํ๊ณ ํ๋จํ๋ ๋ฅ๋ ฅ์ ์์คํ ์ํ์ด๊ธฐ ๋๋ฌธ์ ์ 3์์ ๋์์ด ํ์ํ ์ ์๋ค. ๋๊ตฐ๊ฐ ๊ฐ๊ด์ ์ธ ๋์ผ๋ก ๋ ์ฌ๋์ ๋ชจ์ต์ ๋ณด๊ณ ์ด์ผ๊ธฐํด ์ฃผ๋ ๊ฒ์ด ๋์์ด๋๋ค.
์์กด๊ฐ์ ํ๋ณตํ์.
Thank you for reading my post. ๐