Well, on the plus side you made it 'here' 7 years before me 😆
I've struggled with relationships with the opposite sex. Trying to hard for the broken ones, and feeling uncomfortable with the safe ones. Only learning about myself over the past year or so has made me realise I've split with some lovely safe ones - i was not ready for their love.
Giving up on meeting someone to share and learn from the childhurt hurt, and going on to build a happy future together is somewhat liberating if not a touch sad. But yes, i've mostly given up too, especially until I believe i've shifted my mindset and learned to stay calm when triggered. Until then, i understand i'll only meet broken ones, which of course others cannot repair.
You have suffered some pretty awful men! They sound broken in a different way to me and it seems hurt has grown to hatred and abuse with many of your ex partners.
I have learnt a lot from tough and lengthy conversations with AI this year and at least i understand more why I am who I am and steadily learn to accept this more each day.
So we continue to find peace, and maybe at this point become visible to someone special.
RE: At 40, I Have Stopped Expecting Love