For as long as I can remember, self-doubt has been my silent companion. It followed me into classrooms as my seat would always be at the back of the class, I barely spoke to anyone, it was also whispered during exams, after every paper wondering if I did good if I wrote successfully. I always believed I wasn't good at anything and it lingered in every decision that demanded confidence. I always felt like I was standing in a room full of people who were certain of themselves, while I was just pretending to belong.
When my final year project defense was announced. that old voice came back - louder than ever, I had spent months working on my research, Pouring every ounce of effort into it. Yet, when the time came to stand before the panel, all I could think was, What if it isn't good enough? What if I'm not good enough?
The night before the defense, I barely slept, My presentation slides were perfect, but my nerves were a mess. I rehearsed in front of the mirror stuttering over lines I'd said a dozen times. My reflection didn't look confident; it looked terrified at the thought of standing before my colleagues and those professors especially a Professor named Dr Suleiman the strictest of them all, and not to forget Prof. Wodu whose questions always feel like an attack. The thought of all eyes being on me scared me, I've never been one to be good at public speaking, the very thought of standing before an audience weakened my feet.
But somewhere between fear and exhaustion a quiet realization settled in, I had worked too hard to let doubt define the end of my story. I whispered to myself, You know your work, You've put in time and effort and have studied every line of it, you can definitely do this, It wasn't a loud declaration - just a fragile kind of belief, but it was enough to make me show up the next morning.
Before getting to the hall I said a quiet prayer for confidence and took a deep breathe.
Walking into the hall, my legs felt like they were made of glass, I stood before the panel, palms damp, voice trembling as I introduced my topic, for the frst few minutes my words felt forced. But then, something shifted. One of the professors asked a question I knew deeply - something I had researched tirelessly, as I explained my findings my confidence began to rise, slowly but surely. My voice steadied. My hands stopped shaking. The room didn't feel so intimidating anymore
When I fnished, there was a brief silence before one of the lecturers Dr Eboh smiled; "good work," he said simply, and in that moment, it felt like a lifetime of doubt cracked open, the applause that followed wasn't iust approval - it was liberation.
I realized that confidence isn't something you wait to feel; it's something you choose to practice, ever when your heart is trembling.
I`ve always thought strength meant being fearless but now I know it means standing up despite the fear, That day, in front of those professors, I didn't just defend a project - I defended the version of myself that was finally ready to believe she was enough.
Picture credit; Mine
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