Hi! Hello! 👋
Welcome to another blog post of my Diary of An Apple blog series.
Today's Diary
Today I wanted to get something off my chest.
Early this morning, I received notifications from our family's group chat (mother's side). I didn't open it but I could see the previews in my lock screen. Once again they're planning another family reunion. A couple of cousins and I were tagged in one of the messages. Asking for financial support because we are "working abroad and has more money". It brought some feelings back that I didn't want to feel.
Ever since I moved to Japan for work, I kept getting these kind of messages. At the pretense of "we are blood-related so would you please provide for this and that" and "this and that amount is no big deal for you so blah blah blah", I brushed it off and has given them the financial support they asked. I sponsored part of the food prep for events, tshirts for another, I carried on my mother's yearly Christmas give away(mostly groceries), and so on. And up until a few years ago, during the pandemic, something happened and I just couldn't let it pass.
In most Filipino families, a common reason why siblings fight is because of properties. It was the same for my mother's family.
My grandparents owned a beach lot. When I was young, my parents purchased it from my grandparents, and the payment went to her siblings as their "share of the lot". Yes, weird, but it's because my grandparents were already old so they started diving the properties. My parents paid for it slowly but eventually completed the payment. My mother and her siblings also signed some document stating that it now belonged to our family now.
My mother's 2nd elder sister has been living in that property ever since. Because it's her elder sister, she didn't say anything.
It was when I just moved to Tokyo, I told by my sister that my mother fainted. She was also abroad and my mother didn't want to let her and I know what happened. Our youngest sister eventually told her because they didn't know what to do and then passed on the news to me. My father doesn't even know what happened until now. My mother didn't want him to know in fear that we might completely cut off our relationship with my mother's family, although that would have been better I would say.
Apparently, one of my mother's brother-in-law joked about something like my parents thinking about selling the beach lot. The sister currently residing there has heard the news and went to cry about it to their eldest sister. They didn't know it was just a joke and wen't gaga over it. They called for a meeting, just them, the "adults".
There were 2 sides. The elder siblings were pointing their fingers and asking why my mother is being selfish. And that she didn't sympathize with her sister's difficult situation. They blamed her for wanting to kick-out her own sister. The other side, was defending my mother saying that it was none of their business since it already belonged to my mother. I was told they were shouting and my mother couldn't take it anymore and has poured out everything that she's bottled inside. She didn't even finish what she was saying and fainted. I was also told that the elder siblings was shocked by what my mother said and also "fainted".
Mind you, they always say that mother is so lucky to have wedded a "seaman"(which is very common to be perceived as well-off in our town, even though it's not the same for every "seaman"). In times when, my mother's siblings' are in a difficult situation financially, they'd always run to my mother and kept it a secret from my father. She'd have difficulty rejecting them as they are "family".
Reading my sister's messages made my blood boil but I couldn't do anything as I am far away. And it was very difficult to go back to the Philippines and come back to Japan that time. I was about to pack and leave but my sister talked me out of it, so I stayed.
Ever since then, I've detached myself from that so-called "family" and hasn't been very responsive. I don't think I'll be able to forgive them for what happened.
So now, I'm contemplating on whether I'll leave the messages on read or not open it all. I think I'm at my limit. I don't think I can keep on pretending that I didn't know what happened. I've been called selfish a couple of times just because I've hesitated to provide. Not that I mind it, but the audacity to keep on asking is getting on my nerves.
The messages I got today made me laugh. Asking for financial support so as not to embarrass themselves and show people that, by their own words, "nagkahiusa atong pamilya - our family is harmonious". They want to show people that "our family" is well-off because us kids(now grown-up) are now working abroad and are getting thick paychecks 🥴. I'm speechless.
You might think that this happens only in dramas, but this is my reality. I'm hesitating to publish this as it's somewhat personal but I just really wanted to vent.
So thank you for taking the time to read until the end.
See you on my next vlog.
Eating-Apple,
Apple