Life is hitting me quite hard right now. I’m not sure if I have just lost myself and direction, or if it is a midlife crisis, but there is a definite shift in energies and I feel confused.
I am 44 years old. My son moved away a couple of years ago and I have moved house to a new area with only one friend nearby. My partner is now working closer to home so we are together more; he was working away in London before and was only home on weekends, but now I get to see him daily which is much better.
I found out today one of our close friends may have bowel cancer which is a massive shock. I can’t quite get my head around it. He is only 10 years older than me and has been a hard worker all his life and waiting for his early retirement to come so that he can buy a motor home and travel around the UK with his wife. Today’s news is a hard blow. What if he never gets that chance to spend the time travelling with his wife? What were all the years of struggling and hard work for exactly?
I think I am having an existential crisis. I have no career as such to speak of. Yes, I am a dog breeder who does things ‘properly’ ie has a licence, only breeds from health tested dogs, pays tax on my puppy sales etc, but it doesn’t really lead to anything. I am making a difference to the bulldog gene pool which is very important, but there is no progression from here. I am making things from wood for people which I love doing, but is it making a difference to anyone’s life? Is it of benefit to my life? Not really, but I do enjoy it and it brings people pleasure so I guess that does make it worthwhile.
I have found myself questioning my life direction. What should I be doing? Am I on the right path? Should I be spending more quality time with my partner before time runs out? Can we afford to spend quality time together?
Is this a normal chain of thought when our kids leave home? Is this a midlife crisis? If so, what is the correct way to deal with all these thoughts and feelings?
Let me know if you have been through a similar thought process. Sometimes it is good just to know you are not alone and these feelings are normal.
Much love,
Cheryl and the bulldogs xx
