After my last post, I decided to share it with some of my friends on WhatsApp and I got a response that made me really shocked and almost moved to tears, it was a privilege to get an elderly woman to share her story with me and with her permission I promised to share here.
Immediately she read my post and informed me why she would advise couples to share their finances only through wisdom and legal documents. She meets her husband in high school and their love was so admirable and pleasant that they consistently won the couple's award without stress.
What was there not to love? Her husband was so charming and understanding, the only problem was that, he was not financially strong as the other suitors she had, and since he was hardworking, she was ready to grow with him. They both started with a little job and they operated a joint account, where they both took in money from to take care of both personal needs and family needs, there was no problem and everything was going well. Children started coming into the picture and one of them had to stay back in order to take care of them, as they could not afford a nanny or a help at the time, they had a discussion and she quit her job to stay back home. After a few months, he got promoted and that even made things better as they had almost everything they needed while she stayed back at home to ensure that everything is going on smoothly with the kids.
Later on, his attitude started to change and he complained so much about the fact that he has been the only one putting in the funds in their joint account, she only even got that statement out of his mouth when sh found out that money was no longer coming into the joint account, he had started to use money for his own personal purpose and was even having an affair, he started to keep late nights and may not even bother about the upkeep of the children. Sh was shocked at the change as she never believed that a day would come when this so-called sweetheart of hers would drastically change this way. The good thing however was that, she was educated and well-enlightened, so she quickly dusted her cv and began to apply for job again, her sister had just finished schooling and was waiting for service posting, and that made it easy for her to make use of her assistance at home.
She got a job and started having the funds to take care of herself and even her kids, he was surprised that she stopped paying attention to him even while they both live in the same house, she sat him down on day and gave him clear instructions, stating that, she would go legal on him if he doesn't wake up to the responsibilities of his kids, and she emphasised on the fact that, she does not want his money. He tried to apologize to her, but the hurt and pain, and humiliation he put her through was too much for her to simply let go, so she choose the option of co-parenting while they both lived their lives.
She called me by my name and said, imagine I was not able to get a job or we were not legally married, remember everything I had saved before I became a stay-home-mum was in that account, and it isn't even easy to become one. The good thing is, I was fast to understand and I was smart to take charge of my life and my finances again.