Do we really have to forgive??
Well, this is a tough question because we've been told that forgiveness is divine, and for most people, they aspire to be like God. So when you are in a society where a majority of the people act saintly, it becomes difficult to be different because you wouldn't want to be perceived as the odd one out. I'm judging from my part of the world.
The thing is, when someone offends you, what you hear people say is "let go, forgive, and forget," but then there are pains and actions that cut really deep such that they linger in the memory for as long as the person lives. Well this where forgiveness needs to be genuine.
Personally I am not one to preach for forgiveness because I feel it's a violation of one's will. People react to situations differently. That I will look the other way when offended or forgive my offenders doesn't mean I expect such behavior from another.
So what I do in situations where I have to intercede for peace is to present the scenario from a third person's perspective, analyze the situations, and inform on the consequences of several possible actions that the aggrieved person might want to take. After which I let them make their own decision on what is most appealing.
For me, I try not to dwell on whatever does not serve me positively. I have groomed myself in such a way that I forgive people even without them asking for it. This is because it aids me in moving on and not dwelling on the situation or letting it bother me.
I remember a friend who hurt me so bad, and when I reached out to her to tell her how I felt, she didn't see it like she did anything wrong, so I gave her space. Later on she started coming close to become friends again, but then I had already moved on past the friendship, as I saw that I wasn't valued.
So one day, I made a post on my WhatsApp about moving on from situations that don't serve. I honestly didn't have her in mind when I made that post but she picked offense and attacked me with emotional blackmail. According to her, she is no longer useful to me that's why we were not as close as we used to be.
I found her utterances very irritating and annoying. I mean, this was someone who wasn't there for me in my lowest moment. How dare she play the victim? Well, in annoyance, I told her that if she doesn't cut it out, I am going to block her. Then she responded, daring me to go ahead, stating that after all friendship is not by force.
I did her the honors and blocked her everywhere so she could never reach me again.
Whenever I think about that incidence, I am glad that my heart is not heavy, as I have no resentment towards her, and really that's what forgiveness should be. Letting go of negative emotions regardless if an apology was tendered or not. But then, one must be willing and not made to because it's the right thing to do.