Feminine character: Are women supposed to be a certain way?

Once upon a time there was a tremendously submissive girl. With a personality that was incapable of holding someone's gaze for more than 1 minute, let alone stare at someone... I would rather bury my head in the sand, like an ostrich, than try to perform like an ordinary woman of this 21st century.... So what changed, how did the feminine character, which women should have, emerge in me? Well, this is part of my story...

One day, less than two years ago I got out of bed. I did everything a single mother does when she opens her eyes in the morning. Go to the bathroom, get cleaned up, get things ready for my baby girl to go to school, and nothing unusual had happened.... I dropped my daughter off at elementary school, and returned home.... I realized that the emptiness I had felt all my life was unbearable. I could not tolerate it for one more day, not even for one more minute. So, like a bolt of lightning, like a very strong blow, I was struck by the natural and genuine desire for change.

I had been thinking about it for years. In fact, I knew extremely well what actions and characteristics I still retained that did me no good. Submission, weakness, cowardice and above all a feeling of sadness and dissatisfaction that no matter what I did, would not leave me alone. Nothing happens out of nowhere. That is to say, I didn't start my change because I felt like it, nothing like that.... On the contrary, I got fed up. On the contrary, I got fed up. And it was that fed up, and the loneliness in which I found myself as well, that overflowed the glass.

Little by little I began to force myself to look people in the eye, and not to stare at the floor at another focal point that had nothing to do with the context I was facing. I was trembling, having horrible panic attacks and my body was sweating as if I was preparing to have the fight of my life; the fight for my very existence. Deep down, I wanted to break the cycle of behavior that all the women I knew in my family followed, even when they disagreed.

I was already a mother, and I was terrified that my daughter would experience something similar to what I myself allowed to happen. That extreme fear of my own shadow. That total refusal to be able to live my life. With successes or mistakes, but the meanness with myself consumed me, it overwhelmed me to the point of making me cry for hours. For nothing in the world did I wish, by action or omission, that my daughter would end up naturalizing such dangerous and frightening behavior.

I won't lie to you, I relapsed and a lot. In the world of women who share my old way of seeing life, of understanding it, there is not much compassion and empathy. Quite the opposite. Recrimination and constant pressure are the most likely factors that any girl like me could encounter. My friends, who shared to a greater or lesser extent similar experiences to mine, advised me to stay with my old "me". That scared me even more.

Truth is that with a perseverance, therapy and an incredible strength that I had, I made everything change. I see the girl I once was, and I swear I could not recognize her.... Women, generally speaking, being raised with certain standards and limitations related to the biological sex, we tend to do ourselves more harm than good. We are not overly empathetic and can be very, very cruel to our own gender. Absolutely not. Should women be a certain way? From my perspective, the only thing we should be is authentic and fulfilled. If we can answer those two questions with peace, we are unbreakable.