Today's post was actually inspired by Lilith, a strongly debated legend and a lady of historical importance. But I go horribly and sometimes amusingly off track as I fall down various rabbit holes."
Hold on.
This is quite a ride!
She has always fascinated me, and this is the kind of thing that gets my blood pumping when it comes to my love of history, the controversy of organised religion, and my spirituality.
This sudden resurgence of my interest in spirituality has been brought on by a young soul approaching me with much bravery, seeking guidance, and having nowhere else to turn.
I happened to have tripped and fallen into a world I thought I had left behind a long time ago. I have befriended this young human, almost 18 years old. This human, who shall remain unnamed, has sparked so much curiosity in me and rekindled my love of the esoteric. Without another guide or adult in their life and having been born into a rigorous Christian home, there has been no room to show doubts, lack of faith, or to ask questions, which is why I hate religion. NOT spirituality, but religion - this leaves young minds and souls vulnerable to going down the wrong path.
Just like with drugs, alcohol, and sex. Religion and spirituality are, well, good in moderation, but can turn into an addiction of sorts -especially for those with voids to fill, stones to throw and are in complete self-denial of their own sin and self-righteousness - and it's only a matter of time before intelligent minds start asking questions and wanting to experiment.
Although I feel terrified giving advice to someone else's child, I try my best to keep reiterating what I think is the basis for all religions, if you really simplify them: and that is to treat others as you would like to be treated and don't be an asshole.
Is the meaning of life 42?
I think I figured out the meaning of life a while ago, which is, and I as I said, I may repeat myself here as becomes important to do so as my story progresses, to treat others as you would yourself and to not be an asshole, as preached in religious texts - all of them - when you really get to the bottom of it (even if they all caim to be the only truth, way and the light to true holiness or enlightenment).
I was very lucky, as although I was born into somewhat of a Christian home, my mom always let us experiment and choose for ourselves which spiritual path we would pick of our own free will
Adulthood beat me black and blue, and my spirituality all but disappeared. I used to be the little girl who would eagerly walk up to the front of our Methodist church every Sunday, without fail, and would dedicate my heart and soul to Jesus. I felt something I could not explain. Something enormously larger than my own being, that coursed through my veins.
I remember how I felt, though, that night the reverend spoke of witchcraft and sin, and I felt completely offended and misunderstood. Our Sunday Night Church visits ended that night. I no longer felt welcomed by the arms of God.
It's quite a "rabbit's hole" when one starts to try to get to the bottom of the story of Lilith. There is just so much to learn and so much to say.
In order to get there, I will need to set the stage of concepts, religious examples, and comparisons before I dive into what this post was originally supposed to be about: Lilith.
Please bear with me, even if I get a little sidetracked.
I will probably say this many times in this post, but I hate organised religion. It has been historically used as a method of mass control and an excuse for abominable genocide, wars, torture, and the burning of "witches," and an unfathomable amount of evil. The exact opposite of what any religious text preaches. Possibly one of the most famous of all, being Joan of Arc, later sainted after her death, and the church realised they had burned one of their own.
Joan of Arc
I do, however, believe in the power of prayer, as well as spells. They draw from energy bigger than ourselves, but they also take a toll on us as well as the forces we draw from.
Take Star Wars as an excellent example for teaching witchcraft. We learn from episodes 4, 5, and 6 and then 1, 2, and 3 (I highly recommend watching these in release order. Dnt bother with the new Disney crap that George Luca didnt even have anything to do with), that it is easy and very tempting to take shortcuts - no matter the future cost to ourselves, others, or this unnamed "higher power," in this instance, leading to Anakin's demise. I sobbed in episode 3. It deeply resonated with my personal experience at the time and I still battle to watch the end of the episode without feeling mournful or crying.
When Episode 3 came out, I was in my late teens. I watched my person, my other half, and the man I often refer to as my 1st husband, be swallowed whole by drugs, alcohol, and taking shortcuts is how he got there. There is no doubt that he was powerful, but just like Anakin, he was impatient and misused what could have been a gift, but perhaps he, too, was destined to bring some sort of balance, even if we did not understand it at the time. He hit absolute rock bottom after I left, losing his father's entire life savings, his (our) home, his business, and all his physical and valuable possessions, which he always valued more than his relationships or the people he loved. He lost his enormous collection of bikes, cars, and, of course, his Star Wars collection. After I was gone and he had been completely stripped down, he was awakened to what really mattered, but the damage had already been done. As much as I loved him, I knew I could not forgive him for the hurt he caused. We had no future. No matter how easy it would have been to fall back into his arms, we would end up right exactly in the same place. We had run our course, and I had to let him go, even if it almost killed me.
Almost 20 years later, he found the love of his life and was given a second chance. From the ashes he rose. I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt or envious that it was not me who experienced this awakening and "happily ever after," but I had played my role, and it was time for me to exit the stage. This future was not mine, and my role had been played out.
It's a bit of a laugh now to note hat he was definitely a redhead: the significance of which will become clearer later in this post.
Interestingly enough... and a side thought here, brought on by further research, the inspiration of the Sith may well have drawn from the mythical land of Edom, or the resting place of fallen angels, where it is said that Lilith, after her exile from the Garden of Eden, found a place to rest.
Aaaaand there is an example of a "rabbit hole." Lol
Back to witchcraft, Another interesting thing to consider is that the force we draw from is not infinite and will eventually run dry if we do not somehow obtain a balance of feeding back into this force, what we take out. (As I said, both the "light" and "dark" sides of the force were guilty of drawing from this well of power. Anakin was prophesied to bring balance to the Force, and that he did. He paid the price for what both the Jedi and the Sith had been drawing from, like the lack of biblical miracles over the last two millennia, or the mists of Avelon closing the curtain to the magical realm.
Like dark and light magic, it is tempting to draw from the easy, powerful, and quick fix, putting out of our minds the price that must be paid. And I know this firsthand. Please, for God's sake, don't go wishing on black candles or be tempted by the powers of the "dark side" and think there won't be consequences. There will be. And you cannot predict how or when they will occur, but the price is excruciatingly painful (and has terrible timing) for taking shortcuts. In"white magic" and "black magic - drawn from Wiccan beliefs, the cost of a spell cast is threefold. If you do good, your reward will be three times what you cast the spell for, but it will be equal if not more if you cause harm with your prayer or spell.
Just watch the Craft. It's well worth it. It also explains quite a surprisingly accurate, for a 1996 cult movie, and large amount about witchcraft and has shaped my beliefs over the years, especially as a budding teenager when my friends and I were experimenting with magic.
Like many women of the modern age, Lilith, Mother Nature, or the Great Mother became synonymous with the pursuit of our spirituality and feminism - breaking away from our indoctrinated Christian upbringings.
I remember the evening clearly. My mother and I always attended evening mass on Sundays. Followed by a well-earned hot chocolate. As I said above, even though you only really need to give your heart to Jesus once, I felt the need to give it to him every Sunday. I was always a very spiritual being.
I remember, from a very young age, I remember having powers of my own, like being able to control candles and flames and the way they burned, danced, or blew out. A gift I lost to time. I also had the power of premonition, which was very vivid and unsettling for a young girl. I dreamt about The Saint James Massacre, aptly described in this article The Night of The Storm. I was around 8 years old at the time but remember the night vividly. We did not have a car and were living well below the poverty line, but we took respite in Sunday Night Services at our (then) local church, where my mother and I would share glasses, both blind as bats as we tried to sing along to hymns and see the stage and the reverend clearly. We would always sit in the front row. On a particular spot to the left, where hand grenades were thrown into our church and worshipers were assaulted and murdered by AK47s. It did mean that the assailants went unpunished, so it would seem, until karma took care of it years later, when the majority of them were killed in a botched robbery. The wheel does turn, you see, but it is not up to us to decide how, when, or to what extreme. We cannot play judge, jury, and executioner. It just so happened that my mother and I could not attend that night as it was... storming outside blessed by mother nature in a way I will never forget.
I began to stray from Christianity when I realised that my gifts or powers were deemed as evil by the church. I knew I was not evil. And I stopped going back. I knew something was very wrong with what we were being taught, and it made me question everything. I was around 12 at the time.
Later, my close group of girlfriends and I became very interested in Wicca, Witchcraft, and the legend of Lilith as we found our voices as women and were tired of the rhetoric of men being in charge of everything. I was only 13 when I received my 1st set of Tarot cards, which I gifted to my daughter on her 16th birthday.
My friends and I formed our own coven and met regularly to discuss our readings and different practices. Some of us drawn to numerology, rune stones, some to astrology: like me - I used to be able to guess a person's Sun sign just by looking at them and with that alone, I could use my knowledge to beat the crap out of them at pool- a very useful talent which I still have, even if it is watered down a bit over time.
We drifted apart over the years, but I will never forget the bond we shared.
Now look at me, getting off track.
The subject of this post is Lilith. And she is centric to the belief system I built. It still holds great power for me, and the symbolism is uncanny.
And another rabbit hole is a whole bunch of new tattoos I want to get in her honour!
In Wicca, we "pray" to the "Mother." Wicca was the primary religion of Celtic England for thousands of years (not surprisingly known for its wealth of redheaded women and men), until the Saxons and then later, the Romans came along and beat and raped it out of its believers. Some say, a sort of concession or miracle, she continued to live on through the Catholic Church as Mother Mary.
This idea is alluded to, in my opinion, in the greatest telling of the King Arthur story by Marion Zimmer Bradley:
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x6uld4w
The story of the Mists of Avelon steps away from the patriarchal story we have heard over and over again and focuses on the power women had and how they influenced what was to come.
In an attempt not to give any spoilers, I will try to simply say that the Great Mother never disappears, but finds ways to reshape herself for her continued survival, appearing as Mother Mary of the Christian Church.
Another more modern and interesting character, created by George RR Martin, is, of course, Daenerys Targaryen. Referring to the above, where I mention the balance of power, Daenerys bargains with a witch to bring her husband back to life, but is tricked by her, having Khal Drogo awaken as nothing but an empty shell.
When Daenerys asks the witch how long her husband will remain this way, she is told that he will remain in this state until the un rises in the West: basically, meaning forever.
Daenerys is also pregnant while all of this is happening and chooses to lose her baby over the life of her husband, trading one life for another, not realising that although her husband would be awoken from the dead, he may as well have remained so - being in a soulless vegagative state. This betrayal leaves her double-crossed and heartbroken. Already having shown herself to be a survivor and conqueror in her own right, Daenerys chooses to place Khal Drogo's body on an enormous pyre, during an ancient funeral ritual to honour the departed ruler,to which she binds the betraying witch to be burned alive.
She then, herself, walks into the fire with the three dragon eggs, given to her as a wedding gift. And when the smoke and flames clear by the next morning, Daenerys emerges with three baby dragons.
Daenerys Targaryen shows both her power and her wrath in this early chapter of the saga. I, like so many, completely fell in love with "the mother of dragons."
Compared to her competitors for "The Iron Throne," to me, she deserved it most. Despite her flaws and temper, her stubbornness and unwillingness to "Bend the Knee," she was certainly the best choice to lead the kingdom and even by blood, had a rightful claim to the Iron throne, if not a controversial one: being a woman.
And this is where the story begins to piss me off and reeks of patriarchy as she "becomes evil" and is seemingly "righteously murdered by her lover." Although this ending was not written by the original author, and the last few seasons were rushed, even though the books were not completed, perhaps there is an alternate ending to Daenerys' story. Unfortunately, the writers of the HBO series adaptation of the books rushed the ending, and most fans were extremely upset. Cast as mad and evil in the end, this powerful woman fell victim to the narrative of patriarchy. I like to believe that, as her child and last remaining dragon carries her body off, she is somehow reborn. John Snow was, by the Red Lady, and so why not Daenerys?
Lillith has tantalised and terrified the imagination of humanity for millennia, but who was or is this woman, and what is her true story? It is only now, in the modern era, that we are beginning to piece together ancient religious and historical texts and artwork from all over the world that her narrative has begun to change.
Birthed from clay, some say before Adam was created, and walked the Earth alone in wait, and some say together with Adam. She was Adam's first Wife.
She, unlike Eve, was created equal. It is said that she refused to lie beneath her husband as she did not want to be dominated and believed in her autonomy over her body and spirit. Of course, this threw a massive spanner in the works of God's plans, and she was exiled from Eden, searching the Earth for a place of rest.
“Wildcats shall meet hyenas, Goat-demons shall greet each other; There too the lilith shall repose And find herself a resting place.” – Isaiah 34.14 (NJPS)
This is the only mention of Lilth ever in the Bible and then a sheet is thrown over her existence, some translations of the Bible leaving her name out entirely.
Interestingly enough, Edom, this resting place alluded to in the biblical text above, is also said to have been inhabited by not just fallen angels and demons, but primarily by those who had red hair, as Lilith is often depicted in many classical and modern art examples.
This opens up a whole new rabbit hole of history like: what on earth were redheads doing in that part of the world, and were Vikings already moving South LONG before the history of the Christian Bible? People with red hair are often synonymous with being soulless or somehow connected to evil. Perhaps some of the earliest examples of religious propaganda and racism.
Edom was supposed to be a city of ruin, that was hated by God and would explain why "lost souls" or fallen angels would find solace here.
Geographically, Edom was swallowed up by Judaism and is believed to have existed somewhere in or around the region of Jordan.
Lilith, having rejected Adam and moved away from the Garden of Eden to find her own path, purpose, and peace as she had no interest in playing a role in God's game of creation nor bedding her husband, fled to the wilderness where she found comfort in the songs of the owl in the moonlight. Sounds mighty witchy to me. Akin to a woman finding solace in a cabin in the woods with a bunch of cats.
Think of Granny Weatherwax and her companions in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series. And of course, Greebo, the notoriously grumpy cat, not known to back down from a fight, covered in battle scars but holding great affection for his owner.
Perhaps this is why Lilith is so strongly tied to the moon. One cannot help but be fascinated by the parallels in the moon's cycle and a woman's menstrual cycle, the power to control the tides and the weather and essentially, the natural world.
Other "Ungodly" creatures of alternative power are also said to have lived here, giving way to a whole new rabbit hole of creatures of the night like werewolves, vampires and the like.
It was easy to throw Lilith in with these seemingly "evil creatures."
But men did not like the idea of women with power. And unfortunately, matriarchy, born out of patriarchy, saw more women sharing the same beliefs - even to their detriment (rather the devil you know, and not daring to rock the boat, I suppose). They preferred meek women like Eve, who would bend to both her husband and God's will. Eve, unlike Lilith, was created from Adam's rib. This concept birthed patriarchy and diminished women in the shadow of their male counterparts, and strongly influenced the gender roles for millennia.
There is even debate as to who ate the apple first. Did Eve lie for Adam to protect him from the wrath of God, but simultaneously damning femininity to be demonised for thousands of years?
Lilith could not have been a more fitting persona to be demonised and weaponised. A woman who exercised her own free will? She was labeled as a temptress, a demon, and even in some theology, is cast as the snake that tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. One has to wonder what would have happened to the story if Eve and Lilith had formed a bond - and how differenly hitory may have played out. I guess we'll never know.
Eve was not such a woman, though. Not one to break rules, although still blamed for having the whole of humanity kicked out of the Garden of Eden, taking the blame for both her and her husband. Like a good little woman should.
These early interpretations of these women set the stage for men of power to demonise women as temptresses and to strip them of all autonomy and power. It was the birth of misogyny and sexism.
Lilith was framed for many things, and demonised as being responsible for famine, disease and anything else that mankind could not control. She was known particularly for targeting pregnant women and infants, making the thought of her and witches alike terrifying, and fodder for the fire that drove the prevailing witchhunts to come.
Despite the teachings of the Bible, it was commonplace for women to place "lillit" jars (note the drop of the "H" and the loss of the capitalisation of her name) next to their beds with inscriptions of spells to trap her spirit and protect themselves and their children from her wrath. Not very Christian, incanting spells, don't you think?
In the centuries of witchhunts, dispelling and forbidding the gathering of women by writing laws that would see women tortured and burnt at the stake for witchcraft. Often, for choosing to be recluse and seeking sanctuary from the horrifically cruel and sexist society they existed in and retreating to a life alone, making tea, growing herbs and dancing in the moonlight. Such women were sought out and labelled as witches and died terrible deaths, all in the name of God.
Women were not allowed to have pockets. For they may carry secret messages, hexes, or spells. Maybe that is why we love our pockets so much these days?
"Oh, I love your dress!" "Oh, thank you, it has pockets!" audible gasp of joy.