Why is it so hard for us to see the good? Well, I'm writing a book at the moment that actually has had me delving into the scientific data behind stress, anxiety, self-doubt, and negative self-talk. It's fascinating (and very hard work) researching these books as I uncover just how much our physical bodies interact with our mental health. It's not brain witchery or some voodoo magic There's a reason why we respond to things the way we do and there are many things we can do to make our existence easier, especially those of us who suffer with chronic depression and anxiety.
I'm learning about the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight) and the parasympathetic nervous system (rest and digest), what the vagus nerve is, and how to stimulate it (responsible for rest, relaxation, orgasms - all the good stuff).
While trying to ride out a panic attack last night I came across two great resources.
One is about neuroplasticity and changing our perceptions about how malleable our brains are: which means they're NOT stuck and even after childhood, in early adulthood, midlife and old age we can grow, develop, and change neural pathways
And this very cool video on yoga relaxation techniques that stimulate the vagus nerve. I don't know about you but I could do with more of that in my life
We've been through the ringer a bit with family flu. It's a fun game we play every autumn where we toss it around, despite attempted quarantines and pedantic hygiene. It's just part of being a family of 5, I guess.
I must admit though, when I woke up on Friday morning to find an Aime at home with me, I can't say I was particularly grumpy. Working alone from home can be very lonely. I am grateful, firstly, for my beautiful family: germs and snot and all. <3
Next, I'm grateful for my mom. Lord knows our relationship has been through ups and downs, but she's my mom and I know a lot of what is behind her toxic behavior is trauma. Now I'm definitely not excusing that, but it does leave me asking: "How do I break the cycle and do a better job than my gran and my mom, and stop the generational curse of projection and hypercriticism?"
My beautiful mom
How do I also not fall into the popular habit of labeling people as narcissists or misusing the term of gaslighting? This is so important because the more we misuse the language, the less it means when it's really happening.
I've been struggling, even more so lately to stay positive and it's had me hiding away from the things I normally love. Except cats. The cats won't leave me alone at the moment, which is awesome! They're super insistent about receiving affection now that it's become all cold and wet and chilly.
So, I've been trying to get myself out of the house and involved in charity work, as well as getting back on track with our music. Both things are so good for my soul. I am so grateful for 
The Dassenberg horse farm where I have been spreading and receiving hope, love, and cuddles <3 - aren't horses just brilliant? Graceful and beautiful from a distance and outright comical up close. Also, look at that puppy love. They couldn't get enough of licking my hand. It was hard to leave without one. At least there weren't any cats there.... that would have been very different...
Here's the post with videos that I did about my visit <3
❤️🐶🐕🦺🐾🐎🐴Fundraising at Dassenberg Horse and Dog Rescue Centre ❤️🐶🐕🦺🐾🐎🐴
We are performing again with Kathy and David on Friday at the Cottage Club which I am most excited about!
🎶🎤🎸❤️🔥Monday Night Magic with MobeyDick Live At Barleycorn 4 🎶🎤🎸
us at the Barleycorn last Monday
And here's the link to all the details for the upcoming gig on Friday at the Cottage Club:
🎶🎤🎸❤️🔥Gig Announcement!! Cottage Club (5) MobeyDick Returns!🎶
In the meanwhile, I'm trying to cut down on my toxic meds, which do the job but aren't very good for me in the long term, and it's been hard. It's difficult to explain to someone who hasn't been through it, but my brain is programmed to think that I'll die without these meds. I don't think that's a healthy relationship, so I'm looking at alternatives, from cutting out caffeine to eating more nutmeg (a natural antidepressant and anti-anxiety cure!).
Luckily for me, one of my favorite comfort foods for winter contains lots of that.
Now that it's legal here in SA, I'm also delving into the world of CBD/ Cannaboid products. Slowly does it, but honestly, the THC scares me. I had a bad experience a while back, and I need to get over it.
Luckily these people have doctors on call and I will probably be going on prescription marijuana as soon as I can afford the R 1000 I need for the consult and for specifically tailored doses. For now, I'm munching gummies, which are very mild, but I've moved from plain CBD to a bit of THC, but as I said, slowly. It's not really having much effect, but they did say it's cumulative, so it's not like you'll start feeling better instantly. It's not magic.
Onwards and upwards I guess! Making sure I pause to practice gratitude for what I have. And really, I have a lot <3
