I don’t know how I can possibly write this out without sounding narcissistic. When I saw the questions from the Ladies of Hive community, my first response was to write about my mom and say sweet words and stuff, but it’ll not be entirely true.
It wouldn’t be honest just because I fear that I’d sound like I’m way too full of myself and rather prefer to look every bit the “dutiful” daughter. However, we can’t lie to ourselves no matter the stories and image we give to the world outside.
I draw inspiration from myself. Yes. I inspire myself to be better and to do more. I challenge myself and I am my worst critic. Most of the time I’m at my best is when I’m at my lowest. I triple the grind when I’m broke, depressed or just tired. Sounds odd?
Sure. I might mope around for a day or two. Disconnect from the world and my friends but all this darkness just does is drive me to find the light.
Feeling my chest heavy with emotions I can’t identify daily is reason enough to want change. I can’t deny that I have my energetic days but, I experience real stamina when I’ve hit rock bottom. When it seems like all I’m doing is grasping at straws, when my brain fogs and my chest constricts, when voices begin to sing my downfall and I sadly recognize that voice as my inner thoughts. All these weaken me only for a bit. I always find a way out and then I’m stronger with more will, zeal and fire.
I told someone that it may not seem like it but it’ll take more than life to beat me. I face challenges that test me but who doesn’t? Boy! I am proud of myself! It’s not all of my mates that can boast of where I am today with my background and situations. We all have different paths and callings but it doesn’t exclude the fact that I’m the only ME in this world and no one can deal with what I face I like I do. No one, absolutely no one, can ever replace me!
So when asked who inspires me to do better, I’ll boldly repeat, “myself”. I inspire me. I drive me. I respond to me and I love me.
Days when I don’t want to get out of bed? Take it Deraa. You got this baby!
Days when it all seems overwhelming and I feel like I’m drowning? Take it Deraa. You got this baby!
Days when it’s so bleak that even my vision seems blurry? Take it! Keep taking it!
I have learned over the years that what doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger. Many things I’m facing today, I faced before. Did I die? No. Did it feel like I was dying? Yes. The pain is not something you forget easily. The memory is only dulled by the sweet taste of victory but it lives breathing in our minds and hearts.
I have also learned the process with which a diamond is made; heat and pressure. Where I see myself is far beyond where I am today. It may feel like I’m lost sometimes but that’s okay. I have also learned to be patient with myself and to appreciate myself. So even when it feels like I have no clue, I know it’s fine. It’ll come to me.
I am the woman who makes me want to do better. The woman who I’ll be is waiting patiently for me…
This is my response to the Ladies of Hive Prompt Contest. You can start your journey with us today by subscribing to the Ladies of Hive community