I don't think there is anybody who at one point in time in their childhood life hasn't been afraid of anything. It could range from fear of being left out, to fear of trying to fit in or fear of not being good enough to prove to our parents we could be what they want us to be or what they expect from us.
Back then, for many of us depending on environments and family, childhood was a trauma, difficult, different, and a period to prove that we were indeed good children to our parents and society, so they could see us beyond what they think or see children at that period were. Many of us grew up alone, we learned to take care of ourselves and be responsible for our lives at such a tender age.
Thankfully, today, childhood is quite different as today's parents have taken the responsibility of making sure that their kids don't feel left out or unwanted, they make sure they give their children all the attention they need, so they won't end up facing what they their parents faced or had to go through.
What is that one childhood fear you have not told anyone yet?
Because of my environment, and upbringing, I had a lot of fear, but thank God we don't look like what we go through or what we've seen, encountered, and experienced in this life. Above all my childhood fears, one stood out till today, still thinking about me gives me goosebumps because at that moment, I wasn't only afraid, I was trying to prove my innocence to my parents (mom) specifically.
This is my entry to the
Ladies of Hive Community Contest #142
So, there was this time my mom started having issues with childbearing after birthing me for years, she couldn't bear another child alive always having still childbirth or miscarriages when she gets closer to the date.
Luckily, years after waiting she took in and gave birth successfully but tragedy struck so hard one night when my brother took ill and died that same night.
Unlike all of the others who died in the womb or through miscarriage, he stayed on earth for three months and some weeks. He died a few days after he was taken to the church for the normal Nigeria church ceremony.
Like every Nigeria mother out there, my mom took to her heels and started going for prayers, there she was told her first and only child is the curse of the problems. According to them, I do not want her to give birth to any other children except me, so I don't end up sharing my parent's love with any of my siblings.
I was branded a witch, for no just course, my world came crumbling before my eyes and I was constantly beaten and treated like an outcast because of that. My mom's attitude towards me drastically changed for the worst.
On several occasions, I was whipped and asked to confess and tell them the name of my witch coven and the others who were involved. I cried every single day trying to prove myself to my mom and the church that I was innocent.
But while I kept trying to prove my innocence to them, fear kept creeping into me, and I kept asking "What if I was indeed a which but didn't realize it?", "Was I my parent's child, or was I adopted because no mother will watch someone brand her young daughter as a witch, watch them call me names, watch them beat me, watch them lock me up in a room, starve me and pressure me to admit that I am a witch and the cause of my mother's childlessness". I began to doubt myself and my origin, perhaps, I was a which, perhaps I wasn't her child and this caused a lot of fear and low self-esteem too.
Months of pressuring me to attest that I was a witch proved abortive and I was let go, the whole matter died down like it never happened but it did not change my mom's mind about me because of her issues. Four years later, she gives birth to my immediate younger brother, and then after another four years, she gives birth to another baby boy child with no girl child.
Still confused why in all of the children that were alive, including those that have come and gone none were girls this time she kept her cool because I was older but she showed it in her negligence about me and the things that concerned me.
This affected me a lot and my childhood but now, I am a grown-up lady, and regardless of the things I went through and my fear, I never and do not hold it against my mom, I and beyond such fears, but now, childhood trauma has made motherhood scare the shit out of me.
I hope no child goes through such trauma that can lead to such fear because it breaks the confidence and self-esteem of a child.