Hey girls!
I've never tolerated abusive behavior, whether from someone close to me or a stranger, directed at me or anyone else, not because of social pressure or anything else. From a young age, I was taught not to give in to social pressure and not to tolerate abuse. My grandmother told me this many times: "It doesn't matter what others say, if something is wrong, it's wrong, and you have to speak up."
That doesn't mean it's been easy. I've lost friends for defending someone they were attacking. I've had heated arguments with family members who justified mistreatment. I've been left out in groups because I refused to join in the teasing or exclusion. And every time it's happened, I've doubted myself. I've wondered if I'm exaggerating, if I'm being too rigid, if I should learn to "let it go" like everyone else does.
But then I think about the people who have suffered because of me when I've stayed silent. Because I've stayed silent too, and I remember it with shame. I remember the face of that classmate everyone was bullying, and I didn't defend her because I was afraid they'd start bullying me. I remember the elderly man on the bus who was insulted, and I looked the other way. Those memories hurt more than anything that's happened to me because I stood up for myself.
The social pressure to tolerate abuse is very strong. They make you feel like you're the problem, the one who doesn't know how to get along, the one who meddles where they're not wanted. They tell you "it's just a joke," "it's not that big of a deal," "just leave him alone, that's just how he is." But I don't believe it anymore. Abuse isn't a joke, it's always a big deal, and people don't have the right to be abusive just because "that's his personality."
Over the years, I've learned that confronting abuse doesn't always mean making a scene. Sometimes it's enough to say "that's not okay" and walk away. Or by asking the victim if they're okay and if they need anything. Or by making it clear with your silence and your expression that you don't approve of what's happening. But it never means standing still and watching as if it's not your problem.
I was taught that social pressure only has power if you believe it. That if you're clear about what's right and wrong, what others think shouldn't sway you. And I'm clear that abuse is always wrong. Always. And that's why, even though it's difficult, even if I end up alone, even if they call me dramatic, I'm not going to tolerate it. Not towards myself, nor towards anyone else.
Versión en español
Hola, chicas!
Nunca he tolerado el comportamiento abusivo, ni de alguien cercano ni de un desconocido, ni hacia mí ni hacia otra persona, ni por presión social ni por nada. Desde pequeña me enseñaron a no dejarme llevar por la presión social y a no tolerar el abuso. Mi abuela me lo repitió muchas veces: "no importa lo que digan los demás, si algo está mal, está mal, y tienes que decirlo".
Eso no significa que haya sido fácil. He perdido amigos por defender a alguien que ellos estaban atacando. He tenido discusiones fuertes con familiares que justificaban maltratos. Me he quedado sola en grupos porque no me sumaba a burlas o a exclusiones. Y cada vez que ha pasado, he dudado de mí misma. Me he preguntado si estoy exagerando, si soy demasiado rígida, si debería aprender a "dejar pasar" como hace todo el mundo.
Pero luego pienso en las personas que han sufrido por mi culpa cuando yo sí me he callado. Porque también me he callado alguna vez, y lo recuerdo con vergüenza. Recuerdo la cara de esa compañera de colegio a la que todos molestaban y yo no defendí porque tenía miedo de que empezaran a molestarme a mí. Recuerdo al señor mayor del autobús al que insultaron y yo miré hacia otro lado. Esos recuerdos me duelen más que cualquier cosa que me haya pasado por enfrentarme.
La presión social para tolerar el abuso es muy fuerte. Te hacen sentir que tú eres el problemático, el que no sabe convivir, el que se mete donde no le llaman. Te dicen "es broma", "no es para tanto", "déjalo, que así es él". Pero yo ya no me lo creo. El abuso no es broma, siempre es para tanto, y la gente no tiene derecho a ser abusiva solo porque "es su carácter".
Con los años he aprendido que enfrentar el abuso no siempre significa montar un escándalo. A veces es suficiente con decir "eso no está bien" y marcharte. O con preguntarle a la víctima si está bien y si necesita algo. O con dejar claro con tu silencio y tu cara que no apruebas lo que está pasando. Pero nunca significa quedarte quieta mirando como si no fuera contigo.
Me enseñaron que la presión social solo tiene poder si uno se la cree. Que si tienes claro lo que está bien y lo que está mal, lo que piensen los demás no debería moverte de ahí. Y yo tengo claro que el abuso siempre está mal. Siempre. Y por eso, aunque me cueste, aunque me quede sola, aunque me llamen exagerada, no voy a tolerarlo. Ni hacia mí, ni hacia nadie.