Would you ever take back someone who cheated?
Why so many questions and such deep self-reflection for such a simple question?
Over the years, from self-experience as well as experiences of people around me, when it comes to relationships, sometimes or mostly, there is a prominent grey area.
The below are my humble opinion.🙏🏽
If a person has had the experience of being cheated on but has never cheated themselves, it is very natural or likely that the person will think of how unfortunate, disappointed or even what luck have bestowed upon him/herself. How all his/her sacrifice and loyalty has gone to waste and underappreciated.
I do admit, in my 20s, this is exactly how I think and feel. Now, in my mid-thirties, I learnt that in most and every serious long-term relationship, it should be a two-way exchange/communication/relationship. Thus, there is always two sides to a story too. Thorough clear communication, understanding, compromise, empathy, patience, openness, and much more are essential traits or values we should implement/exercise within ourselves before executing or sentencing the cheater to death.😂
As much as the cheater is at fault for performing the crime, what might have led him/her to do so? Is the relationship entering or in a rut? Have there been some drastic changes or disagreements in the couple's shared goals? Has life naturally diverged the couple's path? Or was it just our of stress, frustration, curiosity or pure stupidity?😅
While we evaluate all these points, I believe that everyone deserves a second or even third chance in life. Why? Because life is or can be very tough for some people and it is not straightforward. People make mistakes, learn, become wiser and repeat. Some people learn after one time and some only after the second time or some only learn after the consequences of their actions have impacted them gravely. Eventually, if we are patient enough(for some it might take years!) and if we were meant to be, the person will eventually settle down.
That being said, I am not defending the cheaters but my uncle cheated with my second auntie, and we have never seen him happier and smile sincerely as he did when he is with my second auntie. 🙏🏽May his soul rest in peace.
He is not the only one with such stories. In Asia, the second auntie/wife/woman is shunned by the family and society, in general, but as the song goes, "Love will keep us alive" by The Eagles. Why go through such hassle and condescending looks? Is it because of sex? One can purchase these services easily and at an affordable price according to ones' preferences with a variety of selections. This can be done discreetly and no one needs to know. By the way, just additional info, sugar daddies and mummies are a thing with university students in Malaysia. Malaysians (some) seems to be more open and accepting of this idea.
Reason - it is more often than not because of emotional or mental connection. When we can no longer meet the emotional or mental needs of our partner, and vice versa, we either try to fix it together or sometimes, the universe just guides us elsewhere or brings another person into our life for a reason, season or lifetime.
Hence, if we ever cheat (this is not to encourage the behaviour of habit of cheating) on someone or been cheated by another, it happened for a reason. I try to take it constructively and positively.(unless if we are dealing with a serial or habitual cheater, then we need to roll up our sleeves and train or prepare a powerful and deeply impactful punch! either physically or figuratively.) I take it as a hint/sign/wake up call/alarm that the relationship or person(s) needs working on or improvement. Time to "spice it up!" or review if he/she is really the one for you. If he/she is the one you would like to have by your side through thick and thin, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do you part - as per the standard marriage vows.
If it is decided that I should end the relationship, I have to tell myself it will be for the better and now is better than later as time can't be bought and we cannot turn back time. Hence, time is highly valuable and should not be wasted with someone that I no longer see a future with.
Time waits for no man as water naturally only flows in one direction and never backwards/in reverse.
Reason being, talking to various people from different generations, no one can predict or give assurance that staying or leaving a cheater is good or bad.
For example, back to the story of my uncle, his first wife was saddened, in despair, furious and lost when she found out, however, over the years, she has grown accustomed, comfortable and happy because she no longer had to deal with matters/habits she had to endure and dislike while she was with him. My second auntie, on the other hand, knew very well she was dating and getting into a serious relationship with a cheater (if we went with the saying that once a cheater; always a cheater, he is bound to cheat again but no, he remained loyal to her till his very last breath.), but they were both genuinely and sincerely happy together. It was obvious and known, and they do not bother hiding it. Not even their petty or serious quarrels.
Additionally, I know couples who had both cheated on each other and stayed on together in a relationship for over 10 years now and finally wedded each other.
Hence, I guess, yes, I would take someone back if they have cheated if the universe deemed we were meant to be and if I think that he is worth it.😅😂 If we were not meant to be, something or someone will eventually drive us apart. That is my belief.
In my humble opinion, at the end of the day, positivity and self-reflection (easier said than done) are essential for us to improve and overcome situations like this (as well as many other situations in life) as most of us, if not all are just trying to fulfil or achieve the Maslow Hierarchy of Needs.
Everyone has their own story and reasons. If we have not walked the path they have walked or been in/experienced the situation as them or in their shoes, we actually do not truly understand their challenges, difficulties, and reasons. Hence, less judging and more support - a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, morally, emotionally, financially, etc. to our best ability.
There is a saying that people come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Once I am able to identify and accept this, it is easier for me to manage my expectations and emotions, especially when it is time for us to part ways with the ones we hold dearly in our hearts or love.
If you are in a bad mood, do you prefer to be left alone or have someone to cheer you up?
That being said, if I am in a bad mood due to the above situation, I prefer both to be left alone to think without all the noises as well as to effectively self-reflect upon myself and the situation. Thereafter, I would prefer to have family or friends or someone or anyone to cheer me up or distract me from the ongoing change.
Me time! Yoga retreat in the woods with mother nature and zero ❌ network.
and sometimes.....Sweating it out and away with friends.
Hence, it depends on the situation, context or reason why I am in a bad mood. Sometimes, certain events like stress from work or finances can mentally shut me down and paralyze me that I naturally avoid people. At the same time, some stress from work can be dissipated from ranting with fellow colleagues over a couple of drinks (alcoholic and not) with a good meal and lots of lame jokes. 😝😂😎
The Three Musketeers: Girls night out + rant session + Bier 🍻.
Rant Forest Rant; ranting session wefie.✔️
On the flip side, all the above can be avoided with man's best friend 🐕. My girl, Suki, will never cheat on me (unless if there is treats or chicken involved or at stake.😜😂), will never abandon me, will always give me a fur-shoulder to cry on, a nudge with her soft wet nose and for some reason, she also knows when to leave me alone.
Suki, the Healer/Priest/Chief Eating Officer.
In summary, my answer to both questions is - it depends.😂 Thus, the title "Self-contradiction or indecisiveness at its best".
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