Let me tell you a little story
I remember the moment dislike for the way I looked started to take over my life.
I was eight years old and my younger sister had just been born.
Unlike myself and my brother who was dark skinned, my sister was light skinned like our father.
I was happy to be having a sister but even as child I remember adults comparing us to one another all the time.
"Why are you dark?" they asked
"Where did you come from?" They asked.
"Why do you look the way you do? They asked. All rhetorical by the way...
As I grew into my teenage years, it got worse. I went to a boarding school and during our monthly visiting days, my "friends" would state it boldly that "Your sister is finer than you" and a lot of backhanded compliments.
I hated it, and surely the seed to dislike what I would look like was planted and started to grow.
I hated that I had body hairs, I hated that I didn't have curves coz I am a skinny girl, I hated that I wasn't tall enough like my younger siblings....I started to question God Have you ever felt that way?
I had people who talked to me only because they wanted to get to my sister...very annoying.
It was only by grace that I wasn't envious of my sister ever.
It got so bad I had once looked into understanding pro-creation to fully understand why some humans come into this world with faults.... Whose fault was it that one was deemed ugly?
It was a nightmare. In time I came to not care to dress up, I stopped doing things that made one look good. I didn't care to keep my hair so I cut it, I didn't care to dress up, coz what's the point. I was always called ugly anyways.
I dreamed of the day I was going to have enough money to surgically enhance my look.
I stayed I bad relationships coz I felt privileged to be picked out of so many beautiful ladies, you get? Lol.
It was a nightmare people
My beautiful little sister
BUT
What is love if you have no love for yourself?
It first took guts for me to shut negative comments out. However audacious a comment was made about me, I gave it back.
If a rude comment was given, I gave it back even more rudely, cos ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE, DARLING LOLBelieving - I had to be believe I was beautiful and deserving of love, especially love from myself.
I learnt - Yes, learn. I learnt about myself without what the world had to say about me. I am on a journey to know myself by heart.
Forgiveness and acceptance - I forgive all the times I listened to the bad words and accepted all of my flaws.
Lastly - True love is timeless, will I love myself when I'm 50, when I'm 80, old and probably wrinkled, yes. Yes and yes. Love should be endless.
And finally A little too much love for yourself is just the right amount. Always and forever
Thank you for reading and I hope to read your kind comments 🙏🏿