Do you know something that totally sucks? Breakups. Breakups from a friendship or romantic relationship. Even though we joke so much about it in Nigeria and sing the lines of BurnaBoy's popular song (Last Last) "na everybody go chop breakfast",
we cannot deny that heartbreak is a terrible feeling that nobody ever wants to experience. I've been heartbroken once and I pray to never relive that experience again. It felt like my heart had fallen on a cactus and its thorns were piercing deep into it, making it difficult for me to breathe. That's what happens when the person you thought you would do life with changes their mind concerning that decision.
For everyone that has experienced this awful feeling, you will find the stages of a breakup I'm going to talk about in this article relatable.
- Denial: This is usually what comes first, especially when you're on the receiving side of the rejection. When the news is broken to you by your partner, it sounds unbelievable and you might even laugh it off as a joke. But then it isn't. In an attempt to withhold or delay the sadness, we try our best to live in denial, internally convincing ourselves that it isn't true. You check your phone every second expecting their call or text. You wait for them to say it's a lie. You can't believe the person that you once shared a bond with will no longer be there. It's tough to come to terms with the reality.
- Anger: Since you can not understand why your ex decided to end things, you get mad. You start saying bad things about them, hurling insults, and telling your close friends about the nasty attitudes they have. Some people go as far as sending abusive texts to their ex. Girls often go to their friends to join in the insults just for satisfaction. It is in this stage we ask questions like How could she leave me? How could he choose someone else over me? Your anger isn't just targeted at your ex but at the universe for letting you go through this, people who don't seem to get it and in cases where you were replaced, you are angry at their new partners. If you see them looking happy on social media, you get livid.
- Bargaining: In this stage of the breakup, you are desperate to get them back and make things work. You try your best to reach out to them and convince them to give the relationship a second chance. You promise to be better, to put in more effort. Anything to get your love back. After a series of failed trials, you give up and this leads to the next stage.
Depression: This is the worst stage of a breakup. This is when everything comes crashing down and the pain is overwhelming. You cry for hours and hours till your eyes are puffy. You lock yourself up in your room and avoid contact with people. You get sluggish and unmotivated to do anything. It feels like you can't breathe and you just want to die at that moment because the anguish is encompassing. For some people, there's a loss of appetite and insomnia. Nothing makes sense because you're numb to everything else except the pain you're drowning in. You look at pictures and reread old texts and it clenches your heart. It is in this stage you vow to never fall in love again. You promise yourself that you will be single forever.
- Acceptance: Accepting what has happened and deciding to let go isn't linear. One day you are moving on and the slightest thing triggers a memory and you are back to square one. In this stage, you try to pick up the broken parts of yourself and move on. It's a very difficult process. You start letting things go like pictures and texts. Doing it breaks your heart but you know it's for the best. At this stage, you realize that there's nothing else you can do about the situation.
This isn't the same for everybody but we all experience at least two of these stages. If you have been heartbroken before like me, I commend your strength for moving on. It's one of the hardest things to do. There are some days it comes crashing back, that's normal but I'm proud of you for not letting it weigh you down. For those that are going through a breakup, I'm sending virtual hugs. It's not going to be easy, at all. Contrary to how you feel now, I assure you that you will survive. Process the grief and take all the time in the world.
