One of the things that took me a while to learn was “I don't have it,” even when money was in my account. Where I come from, or let me say my family and the way I was brought up, giving a helping hand almost looks like something very natural, like if someone comes to us, such people never leave empty handed and that even might leave us struggling later on. Even I personally adopted that method. When a little money enters my hand and people come to me for help, I assist them, and give money to friends, family members, and anyone who asks. At first I felt proud, like I was doing something great, even though it is something great but in a way that is not so good.
I said it's not so good because it started hurting me. I didn't have any savings, and at times when I turned to people for help, I saw none. One moment I send money to someone who asked, and the following day I am in need of money myself. Sometimes I have to wait and stop what I had in mind to do because I already gave everything out. And that was when I came back to reality and realized that I might be doing good things, and I might suffer the consequences later on.
Now that I'm back to my senses, what I usually do now is that I can't give out what I cannot afford or let go. Things are tough now, and one needs to apply sense. If the giving out is going to hinder my plans in a way I don't like, I won't do it. And I also usually tell myself that not everyone that comes to me asking for something “urgent” requires my urgency.
Some might say it's selfish, but trust me, what will affect me personally is not selfish but rather self love. Even though some guilt might enter my mind, one thing I have gotten to know is that if I continue to drown myself just to make someone happy in the process of saving them, one day those people might say, "You could have not answered when you knew it would affect you” and there might not be anyone to save me. So these days, it is not the I have stopped helping, i still do that but will common sense. And to be honest there is something peaceful that comes with that.
Thank you for reading.
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