There was a time in my life when I was deeply attached to someone who started as my safe space. I was genuinely in love, and I gave my heart fully without holding back. At that time, I truly believed the other person felt the same way because everything was initially beautiful and comforting.
But with time, things changed. The relationship became toxic, and the person started showing aggressive and hurtful behavior. Someone I once trusted and loved became someone I no longer felt emotionally safe with. It even got to a point where I felt they knew it wouldn’t be easy for me to move on, and because of that, they would do painful things to me, knowing I would still forgive them.
Even though I knew things were no longer healthy, letting go was not easy for me. I struggled a lot with the decision to walk away. And when I finally did, it hurt more than I expected to be very honest.
After that experience, I became very withdrawn. I started enjoying my own space too much and slowly became more of a core introvert. I also developed anxiety, which sometimes comes with chronic chest and back pain. Because of this, I find it difficult to let people into my personal space again.
The hardest part was realizing that I deserved better. I used to be a soft, loving girl, but the experience changed something in me. Accepting that I had to let go of someone I deeply cared about was not easy at all.
Even now, I won’t lie, I still think about the relationship sometimes, although I have moved on emotionally to some extent. It is still not easy to completely forget something that once meant so much to me.
One heavy feeling I still carry is regret and self-blame. I often think about how I saw the red flags early on but still stayed. I sometimes ask myself why I didn’t leave sooner, I mean, I would have avoided a lot pain and emotional stress.
I don’t feel like talking to people most of the time. I prefer being alone, even when I know isolating myself too much is not healthy. That was actually one of the reasons I joined Hive, to be able to
reconnect and relate with people again in a healthier way.
But yes, I am healing and growing.
I understand now that I cannot change the past, only grow from it. I am trying my best to focus on happiness again and remind myself that there are still people who genuinely care about me. I also spend more time with my loved ones and allow myself to feel safe again. I am learning better ways to manage my anxiety and take better care of my emotional well-being.
Letting go was painful, but it taught me something important: I deserve peace, love, and respect. And I am slowly choosing myself again, one step at a time.
And to anyone silently struggling too, you are not alone ❤️