Perhaps I'm more traditional but I believe that being married means sharing basically everything - and that includes funds or finances. I tend to believe that money is part of a couple's mutual life. Maybe because I grew up in a family where that happens.
It was shocking to me at first to learn that there are spouses who keep their monies separate. I did learn that there's nothing wrong with it, well except when one of the parties do something in secret which becomes a burden to the whole family - i.e. borrowing large sums from loan sharks without informing the other.
This week's question asks our thoughts on whether or not it is alright to share details of one's finances to his/her spouse. But before that, let me narrate two real-life scenarios that happened to people close to me, not to malign those involved but perhaps we can learn something from their experiences.
Finance details off-limit to one another
They used to share everything but things changed somewhere along the way. Aging perhaps?
Their lives turned upside down and messy because the man of the house had loans of his own and so as the wife. One not knowing where the other used the amounts taken. Their secrets became known when creditors started running after them, some reaching out to us because at some point, we were used as a guarantee for the loans to be approved. Maybe you can imagine the consequences and the impact to the family.
Whilst each of them wanted to keep their financial affairs separate, they were not responsible enough. The result? Properties have to be sold yet still not enough to cover their debts with compounding interests adding up. When mom-in-law passed away a few years ago, some creditors still came out, claiming this and that.
Could the situation be different if they shared their financial decisions with one another? Maybe (or not).
My money is yours too
My brother is kind of traditional just as I am. He sent his wife to school hoping she'd learn the basics of handling and organizing their finances. Whilst he manages almost everything related to their livelihood, he shares the details of each transaction with his wife and taught her to sort out receipts and stuff as they had several people working for them.
I was mesmerized seeing their books of accounts which my brother created with proper labeling on each of them so it would be easy for his wife to insert or attach related things. He'd entrust large sums of money to her without reservations only to find out that she was losing them to gambling.
Would things be different if they kept their finances separate? Maybe (or not).
My verdict?
It depends on the people involved but perhaps having a clear or mutual understanding of where they wish their finances would lead to or go will help in their financial decisions.
In my experience, having a common goal keeps us more responsible with our spending. And it is best to be transparent and honest even when the other person is not checking.
Lead image edited on Canva. Photo by Andrea Piacquadio. 02082023/10:00ph