October 22,2023
- John Green
It's been a while, Ladies of Hive! I guess many of you know the reason for my inactivity, my father's passing. Despite my busyness in the real world, I'm trying my best to spend some time on this platform, to slowly get back on track. The current LOH Contest caught my attention as it transpired in my life.
What makes you hold onto hope? Enlighten us on something you do to create a safe, positive space around yourself, to boost the belief or conviction to always look for the cloud with a silver lining, even if it means starting again?
As if dark clouds fell on me when I heard about my father's passing while I was working abroad. I couldn't see any silver lining. The thought of not having him around meant a bigger responsibility for me. And the fact that I was in a faraway land abroad made it difficult for me to handle the situation. I just wish I could fly home immediately, right at that moment.
There are still times that I feel hopeless, especially during difficult times that I can't handle alone. Tears weren't enough to suppress my feelings. In those moments, I questioned my dad about why he left us too early. Why did he keep his real condition from us? He should have been treated. His life should have been lengthened, but it was too late when we learned of his real condition.
My father's burial was done, but I still have some business to run. I've been restless since the day I came back home. In all honesty, I feel exhausted physically and mentally. As I said to my family, I want to rest so badly, but I still keep going on for them. There are nights that I cry alone, without their knowledge. I cry because of sadness and guilt. I have so much guilt that I will keep it until I accept the fact that things were meant to happen and not my fault.
What makes me hold onto hope?
I may look fine, but deep inside, I'm not. Oftentimes, I want to stop, I want to rest, and I want to do nothing. I feel restless and hopeless. But each time I close my eyes, I remember my family, especially my mother. I just thought, "There's a silver lining behind dark clouds." Just like how the sun rises after dark and rainy days.
I've been through a lot. I know this is just one of the struggles my life has thrown at me. I know I can get through this. Each time I feel down thinking about the heavy weight on my shoulders, I just think it isn't the first time. I just think I'm strong enough to handle them.
We lost the backbone of our family, but at the same time, I've seen how we were united as one. I've seen how everyone helped each other. After a long time, we became one. My mom and family helped me hold onto hope. Without her, I may have given up long ago. Without us, she may have given up too. Without our family, there's nothing else to hold onto hope. So I'm grateful for having them around.
Easier said than done, but it's truly tough to maintain positivity, especially when overwhelmed with negativity. I sometimes draw myself into darkness when unfavorable circumstances are tough to handle. But I see hope in those little glints of light in the dark. Apart from family, it is my faith that helps me hold onto hope. I'm nothing without these two.
Life can be unfair sometimes. I questioned God several times about it. However, God won't give us something we can't handle. It is up to us on how to perceive and handle the challenges. Each time I face difficulties in life, there is always something I realize, that those challenges help me become stronger.
This will be a new chapter of life for me and my family. Now that my father is gone, I'm expecting more challenges to come. But I'm looking forward to facing them positively, full of faith and hope.
(All photos are mine)
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