The problem is that you don't trust him and he doesn't trust you too and that's why it feels like there is always an issue.

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I've heard several people who are married and some in a relationship say that if you want peace of mind, do not go through your partner's phone because if you do you would only be causing emotional heartbreaks for yourself.

Each time I hear this statement, it gives me a kind of feeling;

WHY??

I've also heard statements like a man can misbehave but it's something else if a woman misbehaves.

I need to hear people's opinions from all around the world about this particular topic.

Some months ago, my partner and I had a session with a counselor. While we were having the session, he went ahead to tell the counselor to tell me not to always go through his phone because there are times I would see something on his a phone, and after seeing it, I would be showing him a different attitude which isn't normal and he doesn't like it.

The counselor replied and said that we are meant to be one, there shouldn't be anything like my privacy, your privacy. In marriage, there ought to be transparency. My phone is his and his, mine.

She turned to me and said that if I find something I do not like on his phone, I do not need to create a scene out of it but rather bring it up and talk about it with him and if it's something that he has to do away with, then he just needs to do that. In summary, her point was that there is nothing wrong with going through your partner's phone but in all, wisdom should be applied when we see what can be heartbreaking.

Why should society tag women as the ones to make peace reign in the home at all cost?

shouldn't it be mutual between couples, shouldn't it be up to the man and woman?

I support some other saying which is; that if you don't want to deal with seeing unpleasant things on your partner's phone, then it's better to avoid going through it.

HOWEVER,

What I don't like and also gets me angry when I hear it from some people is when they make it sound like it's normal for a man to be unfaithful and get away with it like nothing happened but if it's a woman, hell should be let loose.

How did we even get here?

To be honest, I doubt I ever want to continue being in a relationship with anyone if this mentality is the norm.

It's painful when you know you're being sincere in a relationship while the other person feels it's his right because he is a man.

I believe that couples would never need to go through issues like " he is going through my phone, she is going to my phone" if they are transparent to each other if there is no secrecy or any kind of suspicious attitudes between them. My take on this is that if couples give themselves free access to each other's phones, there wouldn't be issues as regards this. Please share your thoughts.

Another reason why couples may go through each other's phones is if there is something they are doing that is flaming their insecurities.

For instance, My partner and I had gone through a phase, I got to find out that he was being unfaithful and this was how he did it. Since he is into the car business, whenever he gets a girl's number, I noticed that he saves the name with the name of a car.

Here was how I found out and caught him red-handed.

I will start by saying, "always trust your instinct".

Most of the time, it's not like we feel good about not trusting our spouse or partners but it happens that way because of their actions in the past. YES! they may apologize but is it all about the apology?

NO

What matters most when someone apologizes is the remorseful feeling and the change thereafter. What if these things are not seen?

That is when you see that couples keep having trust issues, you claimed to be sorry but your action doesn't prove it, it is the same as not apologizing at all.

There was an apartment we once lived in, and I noticed his behavior around a particular tenant, a lady. Somehow I was able to get her contact from her without making anything obvious. When my partner returned from work one day, I dialed her number with his phone, lo and behold, I saw Hyundai T.

T is the first initial of the lady's name. That left an impression that didn't fade off easily.

Ever since then I've always been on the lookout for such and whenever his phone is clear, I'm always happy, to be honest.

Well, I may be wrong with all I have said but this is just my opinion.

I feel couples should always have free access to their partner's phone, it would reduce issues like "he violated my privacy, she violated my privacy".

If we are talking about boundaries, I can sit and listen to all that needs to be said and addressed but when it comes to privacy, it's annoying to know that couples are meant to have their phone privacy.

Oh! So they can only be transparent and open to each other in bed?
Why don't they have their privacy in bed then?