Maybe if the question asked, when was the first time you said " I love you" and meant it, then it might have been tricky, and would make me think hard. But since the question asks the first time I said “I love you” to someone who is not my family member, I think this should be pretty straightforward.
I remember specifically the incident that made me say I love you to someone outside my family for the first time. It may seem weird to a lot of people, judging from our culture and generally how we do things around here what I'm about to say, but yeah, I had my first boyfriend when I was 14. I was in SS1 then. (That’s 10th Grade, if you’re using the Basic Grading System).
Anyway, I was 14, and he was 13, but he was in my class, much taller than I was, and we were born on the same month, on the same day, but different years. We also looked incredibly alike, but he was the more lighter-skinned version of me. And no, these weren’t the reasons we started dating, lol. I’m not quite sure what the reason was now, but I guess we were the two smart kids in class who took a deep liking to each other and decided to date. He said I was the best thing that happened to his life, and when he asked me out, I had no reason to say no.
However, even back then I understood the concept of what love was. I knew it was a lot deeper than what I felt for this boyfriend of mine. I also knew that he did not know what love was, and couldn’t possibly fathom just how deep it ran at that age. (Maybe condescending, but even then, I’d just always been aware of these things). So, when he told me he loved me the night he asked me out, I simply hugged him and that was it. Subsequently, he would write them on notes, or the back of his notebook and send it to me.
But I found myself in a fix each time he said those words. I’d feel myself begin to sweat. My motto then was not to ever lie about what I felt. So, I was confused. What was the right thing to say? At the end of my strenuous deliberations, I settled on, “Awwwnnn, thank you.” I was quite dexterous at drawings and doodles. So, I’d design hearts and fancy stuff on the notes to accompany my disappointing reply, and send it back to him. I knew he would be sad, and he was each time he received my reply.
Then the D-day came and I was given an ultimatum. Lovely boyfriend of mine said that his elder brother said that it was unheard of for a girlfriend not to tell her boyfriend, “I love you.” That it was stupid and it was a proof that I didn’t value him, and if I wasn’t going to say it, it meant that there was no use of a relationship together. Oh, dear. 14 year old Tessa was in a fix. I couldn't afford my first relationship ending, could I? So, I went to him and said, all blushing, “But David, I don’t want to lie. I just don’t feel I’m ready to say it.”
Darling David was adamant, and told me straight-faced that it was better I lied than not say anything. I remember him yelling at me that day, gesticulating and whatnot. It was the day I decided that I would simply never stand for a significant other yelling at me. If we couldn’t have a conversation in a civilised tone, I was walking out. So, after badgering, berating, and crying at my obvious lack of affection for him, I said...
“You want to hear it so bad, even though I said I don’t mean it?” He replied in the affirmative, and then the words came out. “I love you, David. I love you so much.” He smiled, I smiled. We hugged. And that was that. I would say it many more times to him after that day, but I guess we both forgot that I didn’t mean any of them.
Concerning love languages, I always thought I was a words of affirmation girlie. And for the longest time, I believed it because it felt right. But I believe that as we grow, based on the experiences we have, and the people we meet, we begin to discover deeper things about us. I did and realized that I love gifts. I love receiving warm, thoughtful gifts that make me understand that this person thought about me. Like really thought before gifting me this.
But I couldn’t exactly call it my love language because I believe love languages are a two-way street. It’s not just about what someone does that could potentially make you love the person, but what you would do for and with someone you loved to show you loved them. And I clocked that though I love giving and gifting, I’m not one to remember to gift or even think of thoughtful gifts. Not all the time, at least. So, I reconciled that I’d just kick Gifting out as my love language.
At the end of the day, physical touch and scts of service shone through. In more ways than one, I realized that whether by my expression, or that of the person I love, it feels more than necessary to have them around, do lovely, little but thoughtful things for them, and receive all of that in return. It’s a most beautiful feeling realizing this. What makes you tick and what makes that beautiful concept that is love blossom in your heart. Grateful that the Ladies of Hive Community presented this amazing question, and glad I had the opportunity to talk about it on this day, at this particular moment.
