A few months ago, in this very year 2023, the wife of a colleague of mine called me some minutes before 9 p.m. to lament how the husband had been irresponsible as regards the finances of her and their 2 year-old son. I didn't even have her phone number, but the true caller gave out her name, and hearing her voice substantiated the identity of the caller. I listened to a few rants and eventually had to send a token amount to her that night to buy some food for herself and her son. Let me shed some light on her rants.
A. My colleague, who is a medical doctor, was alleged to have little or no financial obligation for foodstuffs and provisions in the house. That sounds crazy, right? Especially in this age and time. Well, I believed her because she mentioned some food he brought home after he traveled down to my location.
B. He was alleged to stylishly push her into loans so that by the time she gets her pay cheque, she'll be left with almost nothing for upkeep.
C. He was alleged to have compelled her to give him a detailed and written account of how she spends her N25,000 ($30) per month. It should be stated that the family resides in Lagos and currently has a high cost of living.
D. He was alleged to have denied her the option of seeking a loan to start a business and would not give her the funds required to start a business.
F. He was alleged to have preferably purchased items their child required rather than give the wife the money to do so.
G. He was alleged to have told her that a good wife should submit her salary to the man at the end of each month.
Now, I knew the wife had been a fashion designer, but when they relocated to Lagos, she could not continue that for some reasons, and the school where she worked as a teacher paid her peanuts, as earlier stated. I knew my colleague was preparing to travel out, yet when I inquired if he had made an arrangement for his wife and kid, I received a negative response from him. Well, you don't hear an opinion from one end and make a decision. My subtle investigations of this colleague indicated that there were some truths in what she alleged, even though I was careful not to confront him or ask too many questions.
I advised her, after I got tired of her rants, to submit her monthly salary to him. I was flabbergasted when I learned he was happy to receive her salary. Mind you, this colleague of mine runs two jobs, meaning he makes a little above N500, 000 ($590) per month. I knew he was building a house, which was almost completed, and also preparing for a medical PLAB examination to relocate outside Nigeria.
I could go on and on, but for us to address the topic, I would look at it in another dimension. Hopefully, you'll see reason in my line of thought.
I know of a woman who only reveals a fraction of what her pay cheque is. Her monthly pay is a little less than N100, 000 ($118) per month, while she receives about N2, 000,000 ($2, 352) annually, which is independent of her monthly pay. Her reason for this was that her husband would want to milk her monthly pay despite not being aware of the bulk money other than her monthly pay and occasionally shelving responsibilities because she is a salary earner.
Now, we see occasions where widows are left at the mercy of relatives when their husbands die and do not equip their spouses financially prior to such incidents. Do you realize it is easier for a widow to raise children alone than a widower? At least in this part of the world—Nigeria. It is sad, but it's occurring, and hence, I do not advocate women being solely housewives without having an extra income source other than their husbands'.
Permit me to retrace relationships, courtships, and weddings. I won't fault the woman or Lady for being spontaneous and helpful during these stages of the relationship. Personally, I love industrious women. Ladies can buy gifts for their boyfriends, fiances, or husbands. Women have been discovered to be experts in financial management, which is why women are helpful options to run to when men run out of funds.
I once stated that responsibility means the ability to respond! It is primarily a man's job to provide for his wife. A typical example is seen in animals: the cock finds food and makes some sound to attract the hen. We humans, as higher animals, have that spontaneous Providence for our women. A man may choose to know what his spouse is earning but should not influence what she does with her money. There's a popular saying among women: "His money is our money, but my money is my money". Sincerely, where a man is responsible and has sufficient resources, he has no business with the woman's finances. If she chooses to disclose, that's fine, but she should not be manipulated or compelled to release something that is hers.
It is not all wants and needs that women bring to a man. Needs such as buying sanitary pads, make-over kits, etc. These are things a woman should be able to provide for herself. And even when she has the capacity to cater to such needs, the man is not excused from providing the resources.
A woman is a supporter in the home, and responsible men should not abdicate such responsibilities. Men can be manipulative when they know their spouses have money. Oftentimes, men lavish the money on wants rather than needs. Women are blessed with the uncommon grace to manage resources in an economically positive manner.
This post has been inspired by 
I know there will be alternative opinions, and I'd love to have a constructive engagement as regards my points of view.
Thank you for reading.