Since the pandemic happened lots of negative traits absorbed me. From being independent, ambitious, and a goal-digger, I turned out to be a hopeless dreamer. I slowly forgot my dreams that I contented to be simple even though I knew to myself that I can have more, only if I will work on it.
Day by day I get more demotivated and unproductive. You will see me always on the bed lying all day, holding my phone, scrolling my unending feed on socials while eating junk around. I thought at first I was just stressed so I need to get relax and make myself in comfort but doing it every day? I started to think about my future.
"Is this the life I want?"
Of course, no!
I have so many dreams in life. So many plans were still on hold because I'm more focused on things that won't be beneficial to my future. I always complain and blame others for the things that didn't go the way I want and think they were toxic for not letting me have it.
Well, I know in myself it's not true. I'm just playing the victim to escape the judgment of others about my failures. I'm the real toxic here and I will honestly admit it, and before it gets worst I want to rid of it, to save my future.
I evaluate myself and think about the toxic trait that I want to change. Here are the 4 negative trait stands.
Procrastination
This is the number 1 toxic trait I want to beat of all. It's hard for me to get focused when my lazy ass is on. My plans are stuck and can't move for long. My dopamine was more aggressive than thinking to aim for my goals.
Jealousy
I admit that I sometimes get jealous of others' success. I can't help to bash them in my mind thinking about how they got it even though I know I was better than them.
I want to rid this "feeling superior" and arrogant trait in my skin and change to be a good and humble person, cause real talk if I was better, why I haven't chosen?
I need to remind myself that self-confidence has also limitations. So I should be aware always.
Negative Mindset
My self-esteem dumped to the lowest when I get used to my comfort zone. I get afraid of others and always mind their opinions. I don't want them to see me fail so I often avoid things that I believe I can do.
But now, I will slowly rid of this trait. I don't want my future to be ruined because I'm a coward to deal with my self-issues.
Dependent Personality
I used to be independent for a long time when I haven't yet met my partner but since he came, I get used to his presence all the time. I rely on him to the point I can't make decisions without consulting him which I can do it before.
My boyfriend noticed it and we had conversations about it. He said he appreciates it when I consult him about his opinions but it's not healthy to depend always on whatever he said.
I get his point and realized that I was already too dependent on him that I forgot this is my life and I was the one who should decide on it. He wants me to move freely as long I know it's for good.
I will surely change this behavior because I don't want my partner to shoulder me as a burden.
These are the 4 toxic traits that I highly want to rid of. I know I can't change it over a night, so I will just start right away. Yeah, it will take time and I'm looking forward to the development of my personality.
Am I early for New Year's Resolution? Of course not! There's no specific time if we want changes. So I will step now.
How about you? Do you have these toxic traits that you want to change? What are those and how did you overcome to improve them? Let me hear yours in the comment box below.
Thanks for reading.
