That One Crucial Advice || Ladies Of Hive Community Contest #171

This week's LOH question by Hive account@trucklife-family brings to the fore something that many of us struggle with. I do too, sometimes.

Whatever advice we may give ourselves, they can be packaged into this one salient advice that we do not hear enough. I think there are very few women who have conquered the opposite of this feeling, risen above it to become a better version of themselves.

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Right from when we are born, we're conditioned to believe the worst and see negative things about ourselves. Even when we are fortunate to be born into loving homes where our parents nurture us to see the best in ourselves, once we get out there—starting from school—the world changes that positive perception.

Many parents bid their cheerful children goodbye as they attend school and later stand outside their door to welcome home sad and heartbroken children. The world does that. They take every opportunity to change us into what we are not.

They tell us we're not perfect. We're slow and sloppy. We're annoying and most damaging of all, we're not beautiful! Nothing can break a person's spirit and esteem more than telling them they are not beautiful and accepted. From this ugliness comes bullying, stigmatic shaming (of all kinds) and assaults.

The world capitalises on this negativity to make money and enrich the pocket of a few with the production of cosmetics to alter our appearances and procedures to change our looks. All these efforts (money and time) are utilised to ‘buy’ acceptance and self esteem. But it never works. These things may fix our outside but our inside remains the most important part of us.

I could go on and on about ways in which we hurt each other because we are uniquely different and never exhaust this topic. But if there's one advice I would give to every woman, young and old, it would be — LOVE YOURSELF.

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I struggle like everyone else when people question my self-worth and try to make me feel conflicted. Then I had the epiphany many years (thankfully) that I cannot be like the girl or lady standing next to me. Neither can this person be me. I am unique and so is she.

No doubt, we are different. Where's the fun in everyone looking, feeling, walking and talking the same? We would be like robots or automated beings and sincerely, I think the world would be boring.

That's where the beauty is—being different from the next person and uniquely so. Once we start to appreciate everyone's differences and accept them, the popular phrase “the world would be a better place” would not be a cliché. It would be a true reflection of our reality.

Women have lived the ‘lie’ from time immemorial that we are not good or beautiful enough and must go the extra mile, make almost-impossible sacrifices, to be accepted. This transforms our choices in life (especially in relationships), the way we relate with each other and changes our mindsets.

We make many mistakes (and are still making them) because we struggle to love ourselves. Slowly, we are regaining this part of ourselves back again. Bruno Mars in his song—Just the Way You Are—says:

She's so beautiful and I tell her everyday…
When I compliment her, she won't believe me