All I can remember were his fingers, he told me not to scream because there was no one home and nothing would be done to save me.
He said it could only go two ways, I would end up dead or they wouldn’t believe me and I guess it made sense at 5, I guess the nativity of it all didn’t make me realize that maybe the people I told could protect me.
I remember how happy I was when I could finally leave because you see I was staying with a family friend and all I could feel while there was fear but there was one thing I didn’t realize at the time which was that monsters existed everywhere and it wouldn’t take long before another found me.
The second one was younger than the first, he was kind or so I thought but in a short time his kindness turned into something more and the cycle continued again till he got bored of me.
Right now I can not even remember how I felt, if I was scared or worried because I had always dealt with things differently than other people and I had always lived in my head.
It happened again two more times with two different monsters when I was a bit older, at least what I can remember because it could have been more. I was older but technically not wiser and at that point, I didn’t feel like explaining the situation to anyone.
I ask myself most days if it would have been different if I spoke up, would I have been saved, would I have gotten justice, would I be less damaged than I feel most days or should I be happy that all they used were fingers?
I also wonder if anyone realized what was going on, they do say a child changes every time it happens so did I change or have I always been good at faking emotions?
All I do now is feel extremely paranoid for little girls, I wish I could save them from what I went through but I can’t sadly but what I can do is speak up, educate them and protect the ones I can.
I don't blame my family for not noticing and years after, I am stronger than ever. I wouldn't say this situation made me stronger but I would say surviving it made me who I am today.
Thank you for opening this box of passion