Starting this year on a blank note is not what I planned, I have never started a new year as blank as this, no excitement, no resolutions made, nothing as compared to how I felt in previous new years.
Maybe it’s the fact that I’m getting closer to the 30th floor, or I know this year is going to be one filled with more expenses, or the fact that there are so many things I want to achieve and there’s the fear of if I tag them, it might be difficult to attain, or the fact that my mind in general is all over the place, hence, making it more difficult to term my feelings.
I do not know what exactly it is, but I know I’ve never felt this way on a new year. Just some days ago, I had a discussion with a friend and it turns out she felt this way too. My curiosity got pricked, what could be the reason for this new feeling.
Is it fear, we all have something we are scared of and in my case, there are so many.
Is it aging, I know I had this bothering me at some point but I overcame it or did I just think I did?
Is it stress, I’ve become used to being stressed out and then I try as much as possible to rest whenever I get the chance.
Is it my responsibility as the first born and first daughter of my family, but this is not news to both my conscious and subconscious self.
But then again, as I write this post, I make up my mind to let myself breath, to let myself live, to take it one day at a time, to not be overwhelmed with life, to get ready for whatever this year might throw at me, to smile and to love, to live and to pray, to believe and to achieve.
I still do not have a defined resolution for the year, but I believe that as the day goes by, and the seconds turn into minutes and then into hours and into days and into months, a clearer path will be created, and a wonderful year will be had.
I’m sure I’m not the only one with this uncertainty, however, let’s make a deal, to enjoy every single day and make memories, and feel happy, day by day by day.
Cheers to one year I hope to be a very beautiful and fulfilled year.