On most days, I feel older than my age of thirty-four. That's what motherhood does. Being a mom to one amazing kid is the best part of my life, but it also shifted the way I move through the world. I have more lists in my head than I ever wrote in school. I give bedtime routines more thought than I do my own sleep. I also swear that my knees are making noises that they have never made before.
On some mornings, when I look at my reflection, I feel a little out of sync with myself. Not because I don't like what I see. It's more that I don't always know who she is. She appears a little worn out, a bit too mature, and a bit too responsible. That younger version of myself vanished somewhere in the midst of daily life, work, and parenting.
Ironically, dyeing my hair is the one thing that makes me feel young again. It may seem insignificant, but that small adjustment turns on a mental switch for me. A change of color is like a reset. It serves as a reminder that I am not stuck. I'm still able to surprise myself. Even though the rest of my day is spent with schedules, snack bags, and trying to remember where I left my keys, I can still choose something bold, bright, or new.
I stop feeling old as soon as I pick up the brush and scoop out the dye. Although it would be a little pricey, I wish I could sit in a salon and have someone take care of me. As I watch the color change, I envision the final result. It's an odd kind of hope that says I can change who I am whenever I want, even if it's just by growing a few inches of hair.
I always feel lighter once the color is finished. Not only in appearance, but also in soul. It rekindles a spark that I occasionally forget I possess. It serves as a reminder that growing older is not a downward spiral. Choosing who you want to be at each stage is a process.
I may feel older than thirty-four on most days, but I also know how to bring myself back. A little color, a little courage, and a reminder that I can still create something new.
This picture was taken while I was at my daughter's school, waiting for her. Mother duties, hehehe.
all original content by Micontingsabit