@LadiesofHive Community Contest #287 questions for the week are:
1️⃣ What was it that you clung to tightly (an ideal, a person, a stage of life) that life forced you to let go of? What was the emotional process of accepting that it was no longer part of your present? 𝐀𝐍𝐃 / 𝐎𝐑 ~2️⃣ What heavy feeling (guilt, resentment, or regret) are you carrying today that prevents you from enjoying your reality? What step are you willing to take to forgive yourself or forgive that situation?
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To be honest I am a free-flowing person, I have never clung on myself to things or people or even situation. Possibly because I was raised in that kind of environment where I was all by myself from a very early age in life, and life was very dynamic. Till the age of 16 I had already lived in 3 cities, and within these 3 cities also my base kept shifting every 2 to 3 years, so movement was normal. Till the age of 16 never lived at home so there was nothing that I was fixed on. Life was always in basics, there was never any luxury. Whatever came was like a bonus to be enjoyed in that moment. With this kind of situation, my thoughts were also freely flowing. Never really got attached to anything in life, except for my Son and husband and I know they are there for me for life. Yet I do not cling to them; we all have our individual space and freedom. In a way, I am lucky to have never experienced this pain in life.
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On the second question. Yes, I do have some heavy feeling guilt and I keep asking for forgiveness to God and this person daily. My mother-in-law, she is no more now. She was genuinely a very nice lady, but our relationship had become bitter due to many circumstances. We lived together for 20 years; in this time some moments were unbearable for me to live together. But one thing, we both had love for each other equally. It was not all the time bitter. I was also very young then and a little immature also. I wanted life my way, which I do not feel guilty about.
After 20 years living together, my hubby got an overseas work opportunity. In that moment I was so desperate to separate out from her that we decided to take up the opportunity. We moved out of the house, shifted overseas, and her health deteriorated. In a year's time she passed away, and I was not there with her in her last few months when she needed me the most. I took her as my mother-in-law then and not as my mother. Fights happen in every home, differences happen between generations, but I was hard that time. This is one heavy guilt feeling for me that I could not take care of her and be by her side in her last days when she was in pain and helpless condition. I kept the grudge of those years we lived together and decided to keep my distance, when she needed me the most. Financially we took good care of her and did every possible thing for her health, but I let her die in loneliness and I can never forgive myself for that.
I do ask for forgiveness from her soul all the time. She comes in my dreams in loving ways, I know she is around me and also my guiding star, but still the guilt remains and even if she has forgiven me, I do feel heavy on my heart whenever I think of it.
Thank you for visiting my blog. 👼🏻👼🏻💖💖🌹🌺🌸
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