I really do not remember the first time someone told me "I told you so?" But I can remember vividly the first time I heard those words from Mama (my mother's mother). I remember how I felt too.
It was a night before I travelled out of my country for the first time in pursuit of a 'greener pasture'.
My family had planned an intimate send off party with just my immediate family members and I insisted to add a few close friends to the list.
You see, where I am from, it is usually a norm to hide the fact that you're travelling out and everything about your travelling plans till you land in your new country. People believe something bad might happen if others find out too early, someone may harm you out of envy or jealousy.
Stories of black magic being used to stop people from travelling, people being poisoned to death, and harmed just before they travel made the rounds on our local social media communities and even forwarded as broadcast messages to everyone and their grandma's as a warning.
I guess that's where my grandma got the ideas in her head, because when I asked for a few of my friends to be included in the send off party plan my family had for me, mama objected to it saying we should keep the celebration just within the family.
I have never been a superstitious person. I have never believed in charms and certainly never believed in ill omens. But I knew Mama does and I do not blame her because in her generation, that's all they knew.
I didn't understand why she would ask me not to invite my "close" friends for an intimate send off party. I mean, I only have 3 close friends, all of which have been to my house a couple of times and mama had met all of them.
However, she particularly never liked Ruby, nobody knew why and she never hid it.
I had already told them about the party and even about my trip before mama told me not to invite them.
So when she asked me not to invite them, I felt like I couldn't go back to let them down. I mean, what would I even tell them? That my grandmother thinks they might try to kill me before I travel out? They would honestly think our family was crazy.
So I stood my ground. I told mama that these were my friends, people I trusted, and that I wanted them there to celebrate with me. She shook her head and walked away, muttering something under her breath in our local dialect.
The party was beautiful. My mom cooked all my favourite dishes, my dad gave a speech about how proud he was, and my siblings kept joking about how they'd miss having me around to boss them around. Ruby, along with my other two friends, came with small gifts and we took lots of pictures together.
That night after the party, i had visited the toilet like three times yet and by morning, i was vomiting and feeling really terrible. Not nervous-about-traveling terrible, but physically sick. My stomach was churning, I had a splitting headache, and I felt so weak I could barely stand up. My flight was in six hours.
My mother was panicking. She kept asking what I ate, if I felt fine the night before. Then she called mama.
I don't know what they discussed at the corner of my room before they came in, but within seconds, mama was inside my room with this look on her face. She took one look at me lying on the bed, barely able to keep my eyes open, and she said it.
Those words that would ring in my ears for years to come.
"Did i not tell you? "I told you so abi"?
But she didn't say it with spite or anger. She said it with the kind of sadness that comes from watching someone you love make a choice you knew would hurt them. Her voice was quiet, almost like she was talking to herself.
"Mama, I'm just sick. People get sick before big trips all the time. It's probably just nerves," I managed to say.
My mother was already on the phone with a family friend who was a doctor.
The doctor came over and examined me. After asking a few questions and a quick check up, he smiled and shook his head. "It's just food poisoning," he said. "Probably something you ate yesterday that didn't agree with you. Nothing serious, but you'll feel rough for a few hours."
He gave me some medication and told me to drink lots of water. “You’ll be okay to travel by evening,” he reassured us.
Mama didn’t say anything after that. She didn’t apologise either. She just quietly helped my mother take care of me for the rest of the day.
By the evening, I felt much better. Still weak, but strong enough to move. My family rushed me to the airport, and I caught my flight just in time.
As the plane took off, I thought about mama's words. "I told you so." Even though she was wrong about the whole situation, those words still stung. They made me feel like I was being judged for not listening to her, even when her fears turned out to be unfounded.
Years later, I often think about that experience. I think about how quick we can be to say "I told you so" when things go wrong, even when we're not entirely sure we were right.
I've learned that those words, even when said with love, can cut deep. They can make someone feel small and foolish.
Now, when I'm tempted to say "I told you so" to someone else, I remember how it felt when Mama said it to me that day.
Instead, I try to offer support rather than judgment, because sometimes people just need encouragement more than they need to be reminded of our doubts.
P:s Image is not mine