Monday

Monday I turn down a day's work as I have a splitting headache. But, I have mushrooms socks, and the surf is good, and as every surfer knows, the ocean cures mostly everything. It's perfect - three foot and glassy, with only ten people out, which is amazing. Lots of long rides as the sun comes up, and big grins all around. I stay out for three hours, but it doesn't get rid of the headache. It's a muscular thing, which will require a massage.

Still, I'm happy and salty. Not salty as in irritated, but salty as in crusted with salt water, a sign of a long and good surf. I could do this every single day.

I get home and do a few hours in the garden, and then have a bath. The house is a mess but I don't care. Days this blissful don't come around that often.

Tuesday

The surf is smaller today, but I see the dawn in and spend some time chatting to the girls as the sun comes up. I don't go in, but go past my parents place for a cuppa and some breakfast. I give Mum my book of stories, and she reads the foreword, dedicated to her, and gets emotional.

Dad and I head to a high tide surf break and he watches me as I surf some pretty tiny waves. I get into my 3x2 wetsuit for the first time this Spring - it's a very warm week and I would have roasted in my thicker one.

I go in for a massage after chatting to Dad for a while. The Chinese massage place in town is amazing. She gets rid of my headache. I get some housework done at last, including four loads of washing.

Wednesday

I go in for a days work, which is half a handover of two classes for next term. I know I shouldn't have been shocked but I didn't get as many resources as I would have liked, or even what was promised. I'm going to have to do a lot more preparation than I wanted, but I know I can do it, and probably better than them. This isn't conceit, it's just that I am a really good teacher. I'm looking forward to being in the classroom, but also feel the beginnings of overwhelm.

We walk around the block when I get home. I'm mushroom sock powered - I can do anything.

Thursday

Thursday there's no work because it's the end of term, but I'm absolutely fed up with the place and I need to start these holidays early. I go down the beach for a dawn walk and a very cold swim in the big rock pool at one of my favourite beaches. I have to jump in naked as I didn't bring my bathers. It's freaking cold. There's no one around.

I spend a few hours in the garden, tidying up, mulching, and talking to the chickens. It's nice to have some headspace.

Friday

I head up the highway to Melbourne to see my grandson and go to Cheaper Buy Miles for discount oat milk. At $5 for a slab of 6 it's a bargain. My little Ned is starting to understand the concept of games and is more fun to interact with.

We make bahn mi for lunch - fresh rolls from the Vietnamese bakery with tofu, fresh carrot and cabbage pickle, lettuce and wasabi mayo. The traffic is so hectic on the way back and it's hot, and with no air conditioning in the car, I get back totally frazzled, even with a Frosty Fruit from the services.

I like that I'm a grandma that wears mushrooms socks.

Saturday

I wake enthused - it's the first day of the holidays and I imagine Jamie and I enjoying the sunshine and getting some stuff done in the garden. But there's a weight on my chest - an awful crushing sensation which I know to be a wave of depression. It's like the world is soup and I'm swimming through it. I pick up things and put them down again. Nothing works. I want to sob. I tell Jamie how I feel and he tries to fix it, and I don't want him to fix me, I want him to say 'there there'. After a little argument where I say as much as he gets shitty because 'he's just trying to help' I sit on his lap on a chair in the garden and he hugs me for a long time.

It is not just my socks that are odd. Nothing about the world works for me today.

I change the bed and crawl into it to do a yoga nidra, and fall into the oblivion of sleep. I'm just exhausted. When I wake up I feel a little better. I make a huge pasta sauce to feed the boys that are coming to visit Jamie. I'd normally go and sit by the fire outside with them but I make my excuses and stay inside. I'm not good company. I just need to sit with this crushing feeling until it moves on through.

Sunday

Sunday I go surfing again. The sun is out, and I have mushroom socks.

With Love,

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