I have been a stay-at-home mom since 2018. Even before the pandemic, my life has been like a quarantine because I suddenly became this person who was not too crazy about going out, always worrying that my daughter might catch a germ or something if we go outside. I would beforehand warn any visitors to make sure that they wash their hands before having a playtime with my daughter. Needless to say, I was slowly becoming a germophobe.
It became stressful at some point. I wanted to make sure that the entire house is spic and span. There should be no dishes unwashed, the laundry needed to be folded as soon as they're dry, the floors should be clean at all times, books and toys needed to be on their proper places. It was stressful. There was a point in my life where an empty dirty clothes hamper makes me happy.
It's a good thing I am way over that now. Don't get me wrong, our house is still cleaned everyday. I sweep the floors, mop the floor to make sure my 4 furry bosses did not leave any unwanted stinky objects I might step on, remove dust on the surfaces, etc. My house is clean as clean can be, only, it's not what I'd like to call now the picture perfect clean and tidy house.
I can say the biggest lesson I learned as a mother is the art of letting go. Part of it is learning to accept the natural flow of our household. It is accepting that the house will naturally be dirty and chaotic because people live in it. There will be dirty dishes because we have food to eat. There will be dirty clothes in the hamper because we take baths which means there is clean water for us to clean ourselves with. The toys and books will be a mess sometimes on the floor or on the sofa and that's alright because that means my daughter is healthy and has the energy to play with her toys and read her books.
I grew up in a generation where parents - particularly mothers - sacrifice their entire life making sure that everything in the house is in its proper order. People highly romanticize the way mothers tire their selves out just so they can perform their duties to their family. Society judges how great a mother is by how their house looks. If they come to your house and see everything is a mess, the mother will receive harsh judgements.
I learned to let go of those societal standards and live my life in the most relaxed and stress-free way. There will always be dirty clothes in the hamper. As long as there is still clothes that can be worn in the closet, I don't need to stress myself out into emptying the laundry. I learned that the best time to wash all the dishes is during closing time when everyone in the house is already asleep or prepping to sleep and that's fine.
Sometimes I would miss a chore because I did not feel like doing it or because I traded it off for a nap/reading/crochet time, and it's fine. I can let it go. I'll still be doing it tomorrow. At least I got to rest when I did not do the chore.
Often times, it's when I let go that the other people in the house learn to step up. My daughter added wash dishes in her chore list just the other day. I would sometimes wake up after an afternoon nap with the table already set for our merienda time. My husband has already prepared it.
Keeping the household in order does not have to be just the mother's job. It's family business. Sure, my husband works his corporate job but whether people admit it or not, being mom whether stay at home or working mom, is just as tiring and stressful as corporate jobs. Believe me, the job description of a mother is not easy to perform.
Letting go once in a while is something that moms should normalize. If you're a mom and you're reading this, it's perfectly okay to put yourself first every now and then. You don't have to feel guilty about it. You are a very important person in the household and there's a big chance that the family will crumble if you're not around (believe me, I went home to a house that looked like a strong hurricane passed by in our house after I went on an overnight stay during our Hive PH Meetup), but it is okay to let go, relax, ignore all of the things that needs to be done if you're feeling stressed out and burnt out already.
Take care of yourself momma. Because like it or not, your family needs you. Let go of the small things every once in a while. Let your family step up. So that you will stay happy and healthy and relaxed. You are the glue that holds the family together so let go of the small things and focus on the more important things.
