i dont even know when it started honestly but this thing of constantly comparing yourself with others it just becomes like background noise in your head.
like youre scrolling something or even just walking outside and your brain is just doing it without asking you.
he got that job she bought that phone this guy already traveling and me just sitting there like ok what am i even doing.
not sure why i thought that but it happens so fast you dont even catch it properly.
i remember one small thing like i was in a shop buying something simple just normal day and there was this guy in front of me paying and he had this confidence like he knew exactly what he is doing in life or maybe i just assumed that i dont know.
and i walked out thinking why i dont feel like that sometimes.
then later i was just sitting on my phone again and seeing random posts people celebrating small wins big wins vacations food everything looking perfect or maybe just framed perfect.
and it starts feeling like you are always behind even when nothing is actually wrong in your life.
weird thing is most of the time i am just fine like normal life is ok but comparison just makes it feel not enough.
and the hidden cost of it i think is not even sadness directly its more like you start losing focus on your own stuff slowly.
like you sit to do something important but your mind keeps pulling you somewhere else someone else life someone else progress.
and then you feel tired without even doing much.
dont know if that makes sense but it feels like mental noise that never switches off.
even small things like someone talking about their achievement in a casual way and suddenly you are measuring yourself without even wanting to.
i was talking to a friend few days back and he mentioned he is planning something big for next year and i just said yeah nice good for you but inside i was not even part of that conversation anymore i was somewhere else thinking about my own timeline or whatever that is supposed to be.
anyway later i felt stupid for even thinking like that because why am i turning every normal conversation into comparison.
and social media makes it worse obviously but also even offline life does it quietly.
its like you dont need apps for it your brain is already trained.
sometimes i think maybe everyone is also doing the same thing and nobody is actually as ahead or behind as it looks but still that feeling does not stop.
it just sits there.
and the worst part is you start enjoying your own moments less because they dont feel big enough or visible enough.
like eating something good or having a chill day it feels normal not worth anything because somewhere someone is doing something more exciting.
dont know if this is just how mind works or we learned it somewhere.
but yeah it drains something small from you every time.
and then you forget what you actually wanted in the first place because you are too busy checking where others are at.
i was thinking maybe just one day without looking at anything would feel different but then again i dont even know if that would fix anything or just make me think more.
anyway it just keeps going in circles in my head sometimes like now even while writing this.
