Somethings hit you hard, especially after you have gone through the ordeal and come out the other side. Suddenly I find myself drained and exhausted. With this desire to write about how I really feel things deeply. How, I can easily feel the pain of others, just by being in their presence. Nothing needs to be said, I just feel it.
It's always been that way. Just as writing has always been the way in which I can process it all.
I have had so much going on, of late. Life, just seems to keep putting me through challenging experiences. All of which are gifted with insights and great opportunities for growth, something I am grateful for, but that doesn't lessen the pain or hurt that I go through.
I struggle sometimes, to find people who really understand the relationship I have with animals and the fact that I strongly believe that they deserve, the same respect that we give to our human friends. I find it easy to create bonds with them and when one enters my life, it becomes a part of my family.
After I paid to keep Rusty in my life, I have had some interesting reactions from the people who found out. Everything from shock to disbelief. Even after I explained, that he would not be alive, if I had not done so. I am just so relieved, that he is safe now.
Ever since we rescued him, my life has been quite stressful. I was trying to keep him hidden at first, just so I could build his strength up, then I had to hand him back and then he got really sick. All of which left me heart broken, again and again.
Then more trauma, more stress, until finally he gets to stay with us and then I feel the enormity of the last few weeks hit me, the sleepless nights, the stress, the heartache. It all comes crashing down on me and I feel so drained. Both emotionally and physically.
My back aches once again, remaining me how fragile we can be, especially when you are not looking after yourself. Which is hard to do when you are looking after so many other beings. This is something I continue to struggle with, finding the time for self care. Something I write a lot about, but find little time for.
So I end up drained, my energy reserves all used up, because I did not prioritize my own well being. Making me wonder, how many times I have to receive this lesson, before I actually learn from it and change my ways.
The other day, when I thought that I had lost Rusty all over again, I felt such a strong pain in my heart, which kind of freaked me out to be honest. There are consequences, to feeling so deeply. Ones that I am trying to work through.
I really don't want to approach any situation, preaching to anyone. I know how I feel and I am also, well aware that we all feel things differently, I certainly don't want to tell others, what to do. We can only be, who we are. But damn if I don't get frustrated when I see folk, who have such little regard for other life forms.
Even so, I am really grateful for the life that I have. I love where I live, the fact that I walk outside and there are lots of animals around. The land is green and fertile and I am surrounded by so many amazing medicinal plants.
These last few days, the donkey has been on the land once again and I have been spending some quality time with him. He is so affectionate and he loves when I sing to him, which makes me equally happy.
He calls to me, when I am coming close and he has really helped me to unwind. I would love to have him as a part of my family, but I doubt very much, that the people who have him, would be willing to part with him. So for now, I a happy that I get to share the same space as him.
