It doesn’t happen overnight. That’s the cruel part.
At first, they adore you. They make you feel like the most extraordinary person in the room. Their eyes light up when they see you. Their words wrap around your heart like warmth in winter. You start to think, Finally, someone sees me.
And maybe for a moment, they do. But then, slowly—almost invisibly—that light turns into something else. Something colder. Something sharper.
And before you even realize it, you’re no longer glowing—you’re apologizing.
The Subtle Beginning
They start small.
A sarcastic remark that disguised itself as a joke.
Sighs when you share your emotions.
An unspoken expression of disappointment on saying no.
It is nothing, you say to yourself. Everyone has flaws, right? Perhaps, you are being too sensitive.
And that is precisely what it begins with- the training.
They do not have to have chains to hold you. And they play upon your pity, your faithfulness, your love to be. But they make a weapon out of thy softness.
Remember This?
Remember when someone told you to stop being “too emotional”? Or when they rolled their eyes and said, “You always make everything about you”?
Those were the first lessons. The first ways you learned that your feelings were “too much.”
So when the narcissist mirrored those words back to you, it didn’t sound like abuse—it sounded like home.
You didn’t see it as manipulation; you saw it as love. Because it felt familiar.
The Cycle of Confusion
They will call you perfect, one day. The following, they will tell you you are impossible to love.
You’ll try harder. You’ll bend further. You will lose the sleep time thinking of fooling someone.
But nothing changes, does it? Since it has never been your thing.
They inculcate in you the need to seek their approval as a starving person seeks to seek food. They supply you with enough of it to keep you alive--and then withdraw it.
Dark affirmation: That they did not love you because you were special. The reason why they loved you was because you were easy to manipulate.
That hurts to admit. But it’s the truth.
I once knew a girl named Ada. She came across a man who made her feel like magic. He sent good morning texts. He told her that he was the best that has ever happened to her.
However, it did not take long until the good mornings started to be criticized. The flatteries became comparisons. He used to tell me, Why can you not be more like her?
When she cried, he’d laugh. He would plead when she attempted to get away.
And she could never stop returning--because she desired the form of him that she had at the beginning.
But that version was a mask.
One day she checked on the mirror and found that she did not see herself anymore. She used to love to laugh. At this moment her voice sent shivers to herself.
That is when she realized he did not only hurt her but he taught her to think that without him she was nothing.
The Silent Reprogramming
That’s what narcissists do. They rewrite your reality until you can’t tell what’s true.
They isolate you from people who see clearly.
They make you question your memory, your sanity, your value.
You start saying things like, “Maybe it was my fault.”
Or worse, “Maybe this is the best I’ll ever get.”
That’s the cruelest lie of all.
The Hope — Reclaiming Yourself.
And here is what they do not tell you: the training can be reversed.
Every time you say no.
Each time you rely on your memory.
Whenever you have peace instead of disorder.
Whenever you left without defending yourself.
That is you breaking the conditioning.
You were never too sensitive. You were never too much. You were just in the company of a person who could not deal with that light.
And now? It is time now to unlearn what they left in your mind.
Since they have taught you to think that you are not worthy of it--but you can also learn to remember it yourself.
And as you do, you will know something great:
They never destroyed you. They only reminded you how unbreakable you truly are.
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