Generally, I think every single one of us must have met one or two people we loved so much and wanted to be with. The only limitation often comes with the realization that our values do not complement theirs, and then we feel tempted to change some key parts of ourselves just to win them over and keep them for a lifetime.
Well, I do not have a problem with any of that. But I am strongly against doing foolish things just to win somebody over. Personally, I am not sure I have done anything foolish to get anyone on my side, no matter how much I loved them. However, I have been a recipient of such dumb efforts, and one experience remains etched in my memory.
It happened when I was in my second year at university. I met this guy online who studied at a different school and was also in the College of Medicine like me. I will admit that I liked him early on, but I did not really say it. Fortunately, he liked me too and was vocal about it. We became friends and, over time, started talking about real life issues, including women’s rights, fatphobia, docility in adults, internet fraud, and the public desire to benefit from nepotism.
During these conversations, he would strongly agree with my opinions and even add more insights to the topics. So I thought I had found a young man who stood on the right side of things. He even made it a habit to share videos and blog posts about these social issues for us to discuss. That was how dedicated he was in trying to win me over, even though he did not actually share the same views.
It took me a long time to realize that we had different values and opinions about many things because he wore the mask perfectly and tried his best not to say or do anything that would reveal his true stance.
After a whole year of knowing him, meeting with him, and finally agreeing to date him, I discovered through his phone that my politics were different from his. What I considered a moral failing, he considered normal.
If someone disrespected him and we agreed to keep our distance from that person, he would still go behind my back to remain friendly with them while criticizing them in front of me.
If I said more women should protect themselves by never sending nudes to men, he would agree, then go behind my back to enjoy flirty conversations with other girls where he openly welcomed such pictures.
And when I condemned internet fraud, he would give long speeches about why he could never be involved or even keep close friends who did it. Yet behind me, he would visit their houses and even accept monetary gifts from them.
To make matters worse, he was stingy and overly frugal when it came to spending. He gave to me without hesitation, but struggled to give to others. When I realized this, I knew he was not someone I could commit to because giving only within a romantic relationship does not define true kindness to me.
So basically, this person was putting on a completely different persona and living a life that was not truly his with me. Till date, I still think that is the most dumbest things anyone has ever done to win me over.
Not everyone is going to like you, and not everyone you like will share the same values as you. In fact , I think it is better to realize early that the values you stand by cannot be compromised for love because it helps you determine compatibility. Trying to cheat your way into compatibility remains one of the most miguided attempts to win someone over. I am happy I left that relationship before it even started fully, and I know I will always have the courage to walk away from anyone I love who proves to be this way.
All Pictures Used In This Post Are Mine.
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