This past few days were very exhausting. My head feels shaking down into my neck , shoulder and to my backbone. I don't really know what's the cause of this but one thing whats the reason why if feel this way but one thing is for sure. Stress and anxiety has a big part why I am like this.
I loose some weight and I look older than my age. My father always told me to take good care of my health as my son is still young and he can't afford to loose a mother who would take care of him. Im also afraid of death. I'm not afraid with the death itself but the idea of when I died who's the one who takes good care of my son. I really love my son and I want to see him grow as a better man. As a mother I want to witnessed and be there always on his journey as he achieving his dreams in life. I want to be there on special occasions of his life and I also want to be with him during his down moments.
But what if I died early? What if my birthday next year will be my last birthday? How would I like to celebrate it?
My only wish on that day is to be with my family. No extravagant things just my family. It may be simple to others but for me I am longing for a complete family.
I want my mother and my father to be okay. If next year would be my last birthday I will tell them that my wish is for them to be okay. I will be happy knowing that they forgive each other and they will be okay.
I want my siblings to be unite even if I not on their side anymore. Siblings will always be a siblings no matter what just like a family will always be a family. I want them to help each other and support each other. As an eldest sister, I want them to be better like what I always told them.
On my birthday I am happy with a simple celebration like a boodle fight as long as I am with my family. I want to hug them tight and I want them to remember that day as a happy memories when Im gone.
I also want to bring my best of friends with my birthday. My best of friends who were always there when I needed them. I want to talk to them about my son. Helping him through his journey when I'm gone.
I love to share a good times with them like we used too. Sharing a fun stories , laugh , eat , have fun and more.
As I was typing this. I am crying. I'm too emotional when it comes on this. Who's not right? But this scene always comes on my mind especially when I'm anxious.
This is my entry on Ladies of Hive community contest 109 and I choose the question
Death is an unusual topic of conversation, but remembering death makes us appreciate life. If this were your last birthday, how would you like to celebrate it and why?
I want to invite 
@ladiesofhive/ladies-of-hive-community-contest-109
Thank you for reading.